Friday, February 15, 2008


Did you come to rock?!
Did you know God is a sock?
The best crack is rocks!


So I got an email from the place I worked at before I quit to work at da Firm, apparently they are having some kind of get together or something, which sounded cool, I liked them. But today I would like to reminisce about a few things I didn't like so much... observe:

The year was 2005. I had just been laid off from GE, and let me go on a side tangent to talk about that for a second. I have been laid off more times than a young thai man-whore in July in Washington DC, which is a lot. I have been laid off from Gateway, GE, Cap Gemini, Whelan, and Big Bob's Used Carpet (apparently they did not know there were 2 meanings for the term "used carpet", lesbians rule!), where I worked for 2 days as a door greeter. (Kidding on that last one, but I would actually do it since I rule at communications, have I already told you I have a diploma?) Out of all of them, the GE one hurt the most, because it was the most embarrassing.

You see, I did not work for GE, I worked for a contracting company that worked for GE, offering discount IT personnel at incredible savings and quality service! Well our contract ran out, and another company got the bid. My manager informed us it would not affect any of us as we were all for the most part well liked, and that it would simply be a different name on the pay stub, with a nice little raise to boot!

So this new company takes over, let's call it Innetech, and the guy comes in and looks over our operation and tells us all that we are well liked by upper management, and blah blah fuckin' blah. This no talent ass hat shakes my hand and jokingly tells me to make sure I keep my stuff packed hmea hmea!

So he leaves, and a week later we are told we have to reinterview for our jobs, as they can only keep 3 employees, a network admin and one manager under their new contract. there are 4 employees, a manager and a network admin working there.... hmmmmm......

I had not started to panic, though everyone else did, because I generally close a lot more tickets thatn anyone else, I get a lot more calls and am generally a likeable negro, so well spoken! Big Jim, who used to watch my mom strip (another story) goes in to his interview shaking like a leaf, and comes back out with a huge shit eating grin on his face and literally gets on the phone and starts making an appontment to order a new truck.

I am next, and I am admittedly starting to feel a little wary as I walk the 400 yards past all the other empty conference rooms to the one this asshole picked. I walk in, and he shakes my hand.

P - The asshole, his last name was Pankey
S - me.

P - Well, how are you feeling? I know it has been rough with all the uncertainty...
S - Fine, I guess. *Looks at him expectantly*
P - Well, let's get down to business. We are going to go ahead and keep Jim, mm-kay? and we are going to keep Richard as well (Richard was this Kenyan guy, as dark as midnight and just as cool, and he was a citrix/Cisco/Windows/Unix/Linux certified fucking genius) , and that leaves you and Chris (our procurement guy, he was the newest) as to our decision, as you know we can only keep 3. I have the unfortunate duty of letting one of you go (It's hilarious that it is somehow so hard on him) and I'm betting you can guess which one of you we are going to keep...."

At this point he arches his eyebrows as if to say "Figure it out, buddy..." I never wanted to punch someone in the face so hard in my life until I met Flanders and Greyskull, in that order, which is saying something, because I lived next door to people who once climbed the parition that divided our duplexes and robbed our house and tried to sell our stuff back to us (another post, see how far behind I am?) and also lived around the corner from a bunch of Neo-Nazis, none of which were or knew German... if that makes any sense.

To be continued.....

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