Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Shorts Time Beeeatches!

Who wears the short shorts?
Benson Hunter wears short shorts!
He also loves goats

Short #1

Alright so I was upstairs toilet shopping, a little early but nonetheless good feeling, I specifically choose a floor I have no business on at that time so I do not run into anyone I know or anything... and in walks what has to be a lawyer, because I can hear his obnoxious voice on his cell phone. Knowing what is coming, I make sure to shift my legs so that he cannot look at my feet or anything. You see, it seems to only be lawyers that do this, but if you are in a public restroom and you are a lawyer, if you are going to use a stall even if there are 7 of them and someone has taken the next to the last one, it is perfectly alright to take the one next to theirs, bonus points if you halk past their stall and are looking at it, almost making eye contact as you pass.

Anyway, he walks all the way to the end of the line and takes the stall right next to mine, ruining my dump and my game of Castlevania. Seriously. He made me lose because I was annoyed with him. So now I don't feel like starting over, and I just get back to crapping. This asshole is only peeing! I don't hear even a cramped fart, just a tinkle...

And after all that, as he is getting up (I did hear the toilet paper) he drops all his paperwork all over the fucking floor! I sit there, absolutely fucking horrified, as a few of the papers lazilly float under my stall, and 1 or 2 touch my goddamned leg. My horror only intensifies when I see his hand reach under my stall to grab his papers! Thankfully he never touched my leg, but I still felt violated and raped somehow. He almost touched me! NOOoOoOoOoOooOooO!

Short #2

My dad was talking about the good old days a while ago, and he informed me he used to be quite the animal killer in his younger, apparently happier days. He regaled me with the tale of his first vehicle, a 1958 International Pickup, and how he once chased a stray dog across a field and into the woods to run it over, almost wrecking in the process. The funniest part was when he told me my uncle actually cut the floorboard out of the bottom of the truck when he inherited it so that if he hit something he could pick it up without getting out of the truck. This was of course in the Ohio rural areas outside of Akron where they did these deeds, I just found them hilarious and figured I would share them with you.

More tomorrow, yo.

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