I've watched hookers shit
gentle turds on the damn street
not bragging, just truth
"Whoa, a notification from steveshaikus, I wonder what he's on about" you may be saying whilst spreading Vegemite on whole wheat toast and possibly wondering if Smeagol was here would COVID have survived long enough to infect people (no, it would have died immediately in the slurperrific ranch, pepper and overripe tomatos that comprised his favorite snack, sitting with his legs open on a filthy couch and one oddly hairless ball hanging out of his banana hammock he wore on way too many occasions)
Well, Steve's on some bullshit.
So, what's happened over the past 6 years?
I got divorced, screwed most of her friends, then when that got boring, found new love, lost it, maybe kissed a hobo or 5, I dunno if I'll get into it, I need to talk about hookers.
We all love hookers - they provide an equitable service at an agreeable rate. They make sure corners look populated and their snooches leave fun snail like trails on park benches. It's a symbiotic relationship especially when there are so many very very strange and unwashed men needing the gentle and temporary touch of a woman.
But goddamn it.
Story #1: I was driving up Independence Avenue, taking a lovely young lady to my house. I was in THE FUCKING MIDDLE of telling her how nice the area actually was and that it gets a bad rap because it's in the inner city, when we stop at a stoplight. Across from us is a small group of vagabonds and assorted scoundrels standing in the parking lot of the liquor store. As all the cars come to a stop, this very large hooker, without breaking stride, lifts her sundress and shits on the sidewalk. Just goosh after goosh of Kentucky brown butter bake, plastering the yearning concrete in a cavalcade of brown miasma. No wipe, she just walks off. The young lady decides she will suck me off in the car and go home. I accept, and sadly look out the window as the deed is done.
Story #2: One of the hookers walking around is a man that is in varying stages of his transformation into a woman. He has a VERY nice body, with thick, voluptuous legs and what look like small breasts, the only indicator being his 5 o'clock shadow and thick cock he keeps trying to tuck under a loosely hanging shirt. Walking to the liquor store one evening as I need exercise, I see him walking down the alleyway with a few young whelps, and opine internally about how winter brings out young love. Attaining the few items I'd gone for, I start to walk back, and the scene behind that liquor store.... {shudder}
The hooker is being railed from behind while jerking a gentleman off and another is apparently going full hog on himshe's mouth. No real moans but lots of very excited yips and grunts and a very faint smell of unwashed booty and cigarette smoke emanates like sit down air through the alleyway and into my fucking unwilling nostrils. I watch, transfixed for a minute, realize I'm watching gay porn live, say "gross" not unlike Napoleon dynamite, and walk away, to the gentleman (after taking the dick out of his mouth) saying "Whatevah honey you'll be here for this back pussy tomorrow". I did not go back the next day. So....
The final story ensues as thus: headed home, long night at work and teaching karate, go to turn and almost hit a hooker standing in the middle of a one lane street. She/It walks up to my open window and lifts it's dress, swooning "Haybabyyoulikedisshiiiiit" while showing me a very hairy, unwashed, possibly tooth having may-have-once-been-a-vagina. I lose my lunch, think about punching her and realize I'll catch something if I do and drive off. Get home and J-Dawg is on about some super hot hooker down the street and I almost throw up on his fucking shirt.
I'm not even going to pretend I plan on posting regularly, but until next time... SchlipSchlapSallyWhop Niggies
