Monday, February 4, 2008

Live (sorta) real-time Superbowl Blogging!

Suck a glory hole
suck him on the toilet bowl
Just gobble that pole

Superbowl XLII: Patriots vs. Giants

5:09PM - I am just now getting home and getting set up, had to work on my aunt's computer, trying desperately to not look at any porn her kid had downloaded while she is sitting there looking innocent. I have a few Foster's to get me started, the wife tells me she is going to run out and get some more stuff and will be right back. Like a retard I believe her.

5:11 PM - Dammit, first pint of Foster's gone. Why the hell hasn't the game started?

5: 26 PM - I am officially out of beer, I only had 3 pints anyway. Well, I guess I better drink something else while I wait for more beer.... dammit water sucks!

5:49 PM - Holy hell! The Giants are looking good! Fuck you Patriots! On a side note, I had become so desperate for more alcohol I was actually pouring green tea into my beer can and waiting 5 - 10 minutes for it to turn into beer, since at this point in my mind I had simplified the whole process down to "Tea is just beer that is not in the can, right?" Wrong.

6:21 PM Goddammit it's almost halftime and she moseys in with some Mike's hard cranberry Lemonade?! I'll never get drunk off this! As I stand up to snatch the stuff from her like a jerk I realize 3 pints of Foster's had hit harder than I thought.

6:39 PM - I would never let some dude suck me off.

6:46 PM - Well, if I got like 5 million dollars and a free monkey, maybe. But only if no one ever found out!

7:23 PM - Mmmmm, Michael Strahan is one sexy- WHat the hell? I'm fuckin' gay!

7:41 PM - I finally (like I know all of you did) went to see that GoDaddy.com commercial about the beavers and Danicka Patrick. I would screw her, and the beaver.

8:09 PM - I wonder if that's dog shit I smell or if that fart was not all gas? Better not worry about it, Another Lemonade!

8:31 PM - To conserve drunkenness I lay down on the couch. This only makes me sleepy. Is it possible to shit the bed in your sleep? I sure as fuck hope not.

8:49 PM - Holy shit is the lead in this game going to change any more times?! on a side note, with his unibrow Eli Manning looks like the kid they hid in the basement and only fed fish scraps while they raised Peyton in the sunshine. Just an observation.

9:01 PM - Giants got the ball back, game's over pretty much. I changed my mind. I would let a dude blow me but only if the monkey killed him afterwards...

(:08 PM - Way to show some class, Patriots, walking out of the stadium without congratulating the victors. Butt-fucking ass bandits. At least Randy Moss is not crying like that bitch TO.

S*HU P#SX: Myke's Lemonade gone. Will hump anythuigh that moves. Hungry hungry tasty. need internet porn

- Editor's note - I was going to delete this post as it made less and less sense as time wore on and I looked more and more like a retard throughout the process, but you all already think I am either retarded or gay, so fuck it.

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