Thursday, February 14, 2008


Editor's Note: In lieu of a haiku today, I would like to posit a poem. Haikuey goodness will return tomorrow.


The Greeks called it "naked dudicus"

My dad once called it "crack"

Smeagol calls it "failure"

for me, addiction is thus dubbed "Wii"

Majestic ship sailing,

a calm, balmy breeze

a raptor, subtley cawing

in his thong rest my car keys

But I careth not, gentle reader,

my keys ensconced can be

for the world ceases to move

and time stands still

When I'm gently stroking my Wii



So I got the Simpson's movie last night, and got the boys to sit still for an hour to enjoy it's good natured family entertainicles on our big screen, when there is a knock on the door. Quothe the raven? Nevermore...

Sorry, I have a flair for the poetic today. Anyway, I knocked that stupid raven off of my windowsill and answered the damn door. It was the UPS guy. I was wearing no shirt, and we stood there, awkwardly staring at eachother for what seemed like 4 seconds, and he had me sign for the package as he scissored me with his eyes, yearning to pound my monkey hole Richard...

Sorry, I am getting off topic again.

Anyway, I cut the box open, and there it is. A Nintendo Wii. I had yearned for it for almost 3 business days and now it was here. I bought a gamecube out of boredom and was so engrossed in playing Zelda the Wind Waker I didn't think I would care about the Wii once it showed up. It all changed when I opened that box though.

My fingers trembled sensually as I attached the sensor bar to my nipples and rubbed the nunchuk on my hairy crotch, then read the instructions and put the bar on the television (but how is it supposed to know what I am doing?) and hooked everything up. Oh, gentle reader, is it possible something could be as awesome as playing golf in my house? No, No I say loudly, ruffian!

Anyway, it's kind of funny because my sons and I all created Miis and the entire process for all of us combined to learn how to use it and connect took about 15 minutes. My lovely, beautiful wife comes home and it takes her almost an HOUR to just create her Mii. Nothing else, just creating her character. "What do you think of this eyeshadow color?" "What kind of pants should my character wear?" "Let me look at each damn configuration possible before I pick the original one I chose!"

So does anyone have a Mii? Ours are lonely and I need someone to whoop up on some golf with!

Road Rage

So I am leaving the house this morning, and I get to the stoplight to get onto i-29 south at cookingham. It is usually a pretty busy intersection, well for where I live, which means there are 3 cars at the light sometimes, a veritable traffic jam. Anyway, in the morning there were a few extra cars getting on, and we are sitting at the light to turn left, which is green but says yield oncoming on it. This no talent ass clown gets behind me and starts honking his horn over and over, completely oblivious to the sign that says to yield and the still moving line of cars coming from the other direction. Then we get going, get on the highway and he cuts me off and slows down to about 50 in a 70 mile an hour speed limit. WTF?!

Yesterday, on my way back to work (I left my drugs at home accidentally) There was a huge sign that said surveyors working ahead, and about 500 feet up I could see this guy waving me into the other lane with a little red flag. I try to get over, but some asshat in a Tundra starts pacing me, and he has a huge truck in front of him so I cannot get over, and almost run the surveyor over, he hit the side of my car with his flag. Then after the incident the asshat moves over, as he is going a completely different direction.

I am so glad we cannot carry guns in our cars. Why is it that people have to be as stupid as possible whenever they get behind the wheel of a car? I am talking, of course, about other drivers, not any of you, dear readers, you're cool!

Random Jeremy Shot!

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