Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Scam Time (ongata memorilius)



Damn it Huard sucks!

Why's this place smell like Mayo?

I can hear the fat




Scam time!




Alright so I had some fun with a couple of scammers, and I would like to share 2 such scams with you gentle readers today. But first, an observation:




I went to the Chief's game Sunday. First time ever out there. Holy fucking hell they sucked. It did not help that the majority of the people around me smelled of beer or old curdled mayonnaise either. I may write on this in the future, but fuck is it too much to ask someone to bathe before going out in public?




Anyway, on to the scams of the day. When we last left our friend Benson Hunter, he was still trying to get me to send him like 1200 dollars for the courier to release documents, completely ignoring my email that UPS would deliver it for like 4 dollars. As always, Scammer's emails will be in black, mine in red, and from now on my thoughts will be in blue. Read on, yo:


RE: ‰ñ•¢F RE: ‰ñ•¢F RE: ‰ñ•¢F UK.NATAIONAL‏
From: Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
Sent: Tue 10/30/07 7:01 PM
To: Benson Hunter (info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk)


Hurry up and get my check out here yo!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Date: Mon, 29 Oct 2007 10:39:23 +0000




Subject: Re: FW: ‰ñ•¢F RE: ‰ñ•¢F RE: ‰ñ•¢F UK.NATAIONAL




Attn: Welcome to On The Dot Couriers Head Office


5 Shipston


Industrial Estate


Darlingscott Road


Shipston-on-Stour


Warwickshire


CV36 4PR




Your email was recieved in our office today,This email is to inform you that and International Certified Cashiers Cheque Made Out In Your name in the amount of £850,000.00{Eight hundred and fifty thousand Great Britain Pounds}and some other vital document was sent to us by a lottery company here in United kingdom. Right now your check is in our possesion ready to me delivered to you without any delay,but before we can commence on the delivering you are therefor to send us the following requirements.for us to commence with the delivering of your check.


1,NAME: You should be able to tell by my email address and the email sent to you from the lottery, my name is Philip McKraken, choad.


2,DELIVERING ADDRESS: 8238 North Oak Trafficway, Kansas City, Missouri 64118


3,COUNTRY/STATE: Unted States, Missouri (usually people want this the other way around, not like those African heathens)


4,TEL/FAX NUMBERS:816-436-2485 (my phone is out, you might try it next week, email is better)




You are to proved us with the details as soon as possible. For more information about On The Dot then please contact us and we will be more than happy to send out our parcel delivering invoice to you any other information you require. Please contact immediately.


Warm Regards


Mr.Steve Williams




The address and telephone number are to the Burger King on Barry Road up here, I am going to get the address and number to some gay bars and use those as well. I have no idea if this guy has any idea what a "choad" is, but it's a funny word and I think I am going to set up a new email address with some kind of play on said word. I wonder if this loser actually called Burger King or not, I am going to email him and see if he can make that call. Anyway:




So before I got a chance to respond, he sent along this authentic Word 97-created document asking for money, take a gander:



Pretty snazzy yo! So I finally get a chance to respond:


RE: SPINHIPING DEPARTMENT/INFORMATION/LOGISTICS DEPARTMENT PARCEL DELIVERY INVOICE‏
From: Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
Sent: Wed 10/31/07 11:13 PM
To: Benson Hunter (info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk)

I noticed the package is brown, would white be cheaper? For that price I could catch a flight over to London, conquer Britain and get the package myself! I will give you a counter-offer, that's what we do in America, we counter-offer, or "reacharound" to come to an agreement, especially in San Francisco. I have 3 choices as well, let's see if we can meet in the middle:

1. UPS, which delivers to and from London and Britain, will bring me the check for $3.76. Please beat that price.

2. I can actually buy a ticket, go to your office, and claim my check.

3. You can take the money out of my winnings, plus a little for yourself, I believe 5% to cover the modalities of this consignment.

Also, as I am using my work account to do this, please use the code name "Gerbiler Bob" in your correspondence.Let me know your mind so we can get my check to me with as little out of pocket expenses as possible.

Philip McKraken, Duke of Gant, MD., Bishop of the Pitched Tent

I am pretty sure since I am using scam-speak myself he will find out that I am bullshitting, nope!


From Onthedot Delivering Company To Mr.Gerbiler Bob‏
From: Benson Hunter (info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk)
Sent: Thu 11/01/07 5:18 AM
To: Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
SPINHIPING DEPARTMENTINFORMATION/LOGISTICS DEPARTMENT
Att. Philip McKraken,

Your email has been recieved today in our Shipping/Logistics department of onthedot courier service,this is to comfirm that we are in receipt of your prompt responce to our email and it was well noted in the courier department.

In regard to the options sent to us the courier department would advised you to come over to london your self and claim your parcel from us, but it would be better for you to pay for the cost of delivering because it would cost you more money for you to arrival london to claim your parcel moreover you are to come with the sum of 1,500 pounds because we are brocasting you live on two televion channel.

Please you are to pick from the parcel delivering invoic so that we can see how to help you deliver your consignment without any further delay because your parcel are due for delivering.

Note:That you are to proved the courier the exate time you will be at home so that we can make the delivering at that time because we dont give are parcel to a family members or freind due to the content of the parcel hence you are to signed a document.

Please save this document as it contains important information about your parcel at ON THE DOT COURIER/FREIGHT SERVICE LTD. Your Reg. Order No: SH231282. Parcel description and delivery information.We assume all responsibilities in case of eventuality.
All orders not delivered within seven (7) working days from this communication will be returned. Please ensure that you confirm your delivery address.
Do note, that your check has been signed and parcelled ready for delivery.
Once you confirm your acceptance of the conditions aforementioned! The Modalities and how to make your payment will be sent to you.

With Best Regards
Mr.Benson Hunter
(Delivering Officer)

By now I am pretty sure I can do whatever I want to this loser, so I let him sit and stew for a few days, and move on to mess with this little gem:


Subject: I WILL KILL MY SELF WITH THIS PREGENANCY

From: "ARITA JACK" aritajack@yahoo.com

MY NAME IS MISS ARITA JACK,IM FROM NYALA,WEST DARFUR ,SUDAN.IM A STUDENT OF COMBONI COLLAGE ,IM I8YEARS OLD ORPHAN.I LOST MY FAMILIES IN WAR IN SUDAN,WHEN IM JUST 6 YEARS OLD,AND I STARTED WORKING IN MARKET PLACES AS A DISHES WATCHES AT 6 IN ORDER TO HELP MYSELF FOR FEED AND ATTENED EVENING SCHOOL.

I WAS LIVING LIFE LEGACY LIKE THAT UNTILL MAY 13 2006 I MET LATE JOHN DENG,WHO PROMISED TO MARRY ME AND WE MAKE FAMILIES TOGETHER,WE ARE LIVING TOGETHER AS PARTNER AND HAPPY PLANING FOR FUTURE,UNTILL APRIL 4,2007. THE ARAB MILLITARY JANJAWEED ATTACKED OUR VILLIAGE AND KILLIED MY HUSBAND IN FRONT OF ME.I MANAGED MY SELF WITH OTHER VILLIAGERS TO TRAVELLED TO KHARTOUM THE CAPITAL FOR OUR LIFE,AND ALL IS IN VAIN.

IM PREGENANT AND MY CONDITION IS BAD,NOBODY CARE FOR ME.I SLEPT OUT SIDE THE SCHOOL COMPOUND WITH HEAVY COLD IN THE NIGHT,NO FOOD,HOSPITAL CARING AND MAINTAINACY.IM SUFFERING,FRAUDSTRAED,WEAK AND DIEING SLOWLY.I WILL NOT WATCH MY SELF SUFFER TILL I DIE,SO I WANT TO CUT THE PAINS.PLS KINDLY PRAY AND TELL GOD TO FORGIVE MY SINS AND TALK MY SOUL,IM TIRED TO LIVE.

THANKS FOR COOPERATION.DUE TO HELP I VISITED ETHIOPIA AND MOVE FROM MY COUNTRY SUDAN EVIL LAND BUT THE POVERTY HERE IS HIGH AND I LACK EVERYTHING. IM STILL SLEEPING IN STREET WITH HEAVY CILD HERE AND I CONTACT YOU THROUGH NET FROM THE MONEY I BEG FROM ETHIOPIA PEOPLE FROM STREET.PLEASE IM WEAK AND TIRES OF LIVING WITH OUT HELP.

ARITA JACK

So she is dying from cild or cold and is sleeping outside the school and moved to Ethiopia and still has money to log onto a computer every day? It doesn't add up. Enter Mr. Butts, Semore Butts:

OMG how can I help!‏

From: Semore Butts (semorebutts.ido@hotmail.com)

Sent: Tue 10/16/07 9:44 PM

To: aritajack@yahoo.com

I read your story and it touched me, deep down inside. I feel on you for your great loss. It's terrible when an honest man is killied in front of a woman he loves, and even worse that you must beg on the streets of Ethiopia for monies to get online instead of eating. Tell me how I can help. Please do not think me forward, but I also noticed since your husband is dead you are single now. What do you look like?

Semore Butts, OBGYN, DDS, Esq.

More to come, man I am getting pretty good at this scambaiting, I just had to realize a few cardinal rules:

1. DO not go all gay on the first email, work your way up to it.

2. Start promising money right away, otherwise they will catch on.

3. Once you have established you want to help, go as gay as Freddy Mercury doing a benefit show at Fort Dix during a waterfight.

More later...



3 comments:

This Haggard Machine said...

You bish mu'fukkuh! When I saw the address and phone number you gave them I almost pissed myself! I thought I had forgot that shit years ago!

Stevester said...

I had to look the exact address up, but the number will be in my heart forever, mostly because we called in so often due to Smeagol not ever being on time anywhere that I can never forget said number.

wbabbit said...

Dude I totally called the number to see who it was before I read the rest of the post.