Friday, November 23, 2007

Das ist Eine Scam Time

Wesley Willis, man!

He Rocks Saddam Hussein's Ass!

His mom smokes crack rocks

Sorry, Dudes (and dudettes), Smeagol did not show up yesterday, but the reason is he still owes me money, as well as my mom and everyone else in the family. I should have known since he owes me money he would simply disappear until he assumed I forgot about it... oh well, we shared some great stories about him anyway. My aunt regaled us all with the tale of my uncle shitting her couch, and went even further than I knew by stating he had actually used one of her t-shirts to wipe his ass, and left it on the floor, great times.

My mom said Smeagol has been getting on a high horse at work recently, threatening some of the weaker residents and generally "showing his ass", which I did not ask her to elaborate on. Smeagol is not a smart man. He once took his pet doberman to the nursing home and let her run free, where she bit several residents before being curtailed by an employee with a brain. Smeagol was summarily fired after that, though he was rehired about a month later because "No one works the booty ass overtime like me, niggie!"

I also informed everyone in the family to refer to him as Smeagol from now on, which is awesome.

Anyway, I figured I would toss a scam in, since it is the heading of today's post, just wanted to update everyone. So last time we spoke with Benson Hunter, he had this grand looking Word 97 table, and after reading my response, sent the exact same table again to me, but with the weight of the package and stuff like that in it. I ignored him for a few days, and get this final email before I guess he was gonna cut his losses and move on:

, Gerbiler Bob,‏
From: Benson Hunter (
Sent: Wed 11/07/07 5:44 PM
To: Philip McKraken (
Dear Customer,

Your email has been recieved today,please you are to pay the sum of 500 pounds as tax

I felt a little sad reading this, because it is plain to see he put absolutely no effort into this. It's like he just phoned this scam message in. Oh well, I won't let his lack of commitment to our relationship ruin my fun:

RE: , Gerbiler Bob,‏
From: Philip McKraken (
Sent: Wed 11/07/07 11:47 PM
To: Benson Hunter (

Tax? I thought it was a delivery fee for document processing! What are you trying to pull here! I want to fly out to London and pick my check up. You said to bring 1500 pounds for that purpose. I ask when you want me to get there and which airport to fly into and you tell me to send you 500 dollars for tax? In America, we take the taxes out of the winnings; I have given you this same option.

Tell me what is going on or I shall fly out there and engage in a spirited bout of fisticuffs with you! That's my check you smelly foreigner! Reply back so that I will know your mind. I have 1500 pounds, and I want my winnings, but I will not give it to you until you give me some clarification as to what this is going for! You think that because I have Hot Karl on my side that I have nothing to worry about,

well you're wrong! I don't know about there but here Cleveland Steamers cost money!. Fine, fine, I accept your apology... who do I make this money order out to? Is Western Union alright? Let me know.

Philip McKraken

I forgot to use my code name. Naughty naughty! He does not write back, and I really do not expect him to, so I come clean:

RE: , Gerbiler Bob,‏
From: Philip McKraken (
Sent: Sun 11/11/07 12:11 AM
To: Benson Hunter (

Dear bottom feeding scum sucking scammer:

You are retarded. I am only sad I did not waste more of your time. I like how you are probably so busy scamming so many people you do not have the time to personalize each scam and need to send these one line explosions of literal diarrhea out with the hopes we are as stupid as you are. I hope you liked that picture I sent you, if you even looked at it.

There is a place on the underside of my balls, the part right by the taint that I rub all over your mother's face, that I will allow you to sign if you can ever make it to the United States. In conclusion, get AIDS and die while being raped by your little mugu buddies, shitface.


Philip McKraken, AKA Yerdaddy

Mugu is a horrible insult in Africa, you will hear it a lot. Apparently, they also do not like being called small or little, as they all have very intricate delusions of grandeur. You will see more of this as time goes on, so keep it in your mind, along with African scammers being the only ones who use the term "modalities".

Amazingly, this retard writes back!

RE: , Gerbiler Bob,‏
From: Benson Hunter (
Sent: Mon 11/12/07 9:55 PM
To: Philip McKraken (
Deqr Customer,

We are very sorry for the littel delay,we where making some other delivering of parcel and we have a enought cleint to atten to this very week that is the more reason we did not get back to you,please you have to bear with us.

Your email has been acknoweleged in our delivering department and it was well noted today,you should understand that you should paying for the cost of delivering so that we can deliver you the parcel we dont accept customer to come over in our office due to some security reason of the united kingdom and due to money laudering that is going on in united kingdom which make in impossible for us to invict you to come to our office.

You are to pay the cost of delivering charges via western union to our delivering officer name started below are sent us the payment slip for verification.

Name:Mr.Thompson Cox
Contact address:12 West lane park london

Do try and make the payment as soon you received this email so that we can deliver the parcel to you on time and we have your parcel to be amoung the first group of parcel we are delivering to your location this very week.

We are looking forwared to hear from you soon.


Absolutely.... amazing.

More Monday.

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