Lo and behold, ye!
Hath thine eyes cloud black this day?
Chiefs will get better!
Fuck, Dude!
So my girl was over, we had been together about 2 months, and she was meeting my dad for the first time. I was a little nervous because I had met her dad, who was a huge black man who made it a point to be as menacing as possible with me, though later in life she told me that he actually liked me, as was evidenced by his frequent talking to me about his hernia he suffered on the railroad that I was too polite to tell him I cared nothing about, because my dad had told all my friends how badly he needed pussy and frequently would ask if they had a single mother or an older sister who was over 18 and single, thus losing any chance of me having any normal friends.
Anyway, we were talking in the living room, which was cool, and my dad was for most intents and purposes pretty cool about it, though I could see him frequently taking glances as her chest (she had done some modeling, which was strange because she was with me, a fat ass with bad skin and a gap tooth, I will put up a poll as to your theories on why she was with me soon) and I was sure she noticed as well.
That's when the Cool Dad 1.0 short circuited.
"You know, Carmel (not her real name, but close enough), all of this furniture you are sitting on came out of other people's garbages, you'd be amazed at what people throw away!"
The slightly interested "hmm!" that she emitted told me to try to steer the subject away, lest he start embarrassing me more by asking her if she had an older sister or a friend who was of age. I tried to talk about something else, anything else, but it was too late.
"You know, I love my boys. I would do anything for them, I would suck someone off on the streets in order to buy food for them." I was trying to sink into the couch, desperately trying to avoid the proud smile Dad was giving me that he was willing to make such a sacrifice. Carmel was stunned, sitting there looking like she would rather be any place but there. No that is not the exact verbage my dad used, but I do remember him tellin her he would give another man oral pleasures to feed us, I just cannot remember the exact way he said it.
He then started talking about why my mom was not there, telling this poor girl that my mom was a godless whore who took numerous penises (penii?) every night at whatever bar it is she works at, further assuring that unless I could lick my own ear I had little to no chance of keeping this one. Thankfully he excuses himself to go take a dump and we sit there, the television off, listening to him fart loudly in the bathroom that is less than 10 feet from where we are. I decide to wait until her parents get there to pick her up waiting awkwardly outside with her. She chatted on about random other things, carefully avoiding my dad's admission that he would suck another man's penis, and when her parents showed up, she popped a kiss on my cheek, probably sucking in some of the delicious lard that I am known for sweating, and at that moment I was in love, and strangely, even with the smell of my dad's shit wafting out from the front window, hungry for some hearty beef stew. Yum!
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