Monday, November 5, 2007

Scam RIme! (An ongoing series)

If I were a dog,

I would lick my own balls too

Unless I was Smeags

Scam Time!

So when we last left the UK National Lottery, I had gotten a bill from the courier service for 3 different delivery options, ranging from 600 - 1100 dollars. Observe, enjoy. You find more. Jinqui:

Date: Thu, 25 Oct 2007 19:32:27 +0800From:

Dear Winner, I acknowledged your claims form information and we have created a file in your favor and the file was forwarded to the British high court for appends. The court has approved your winnings and hence the winning certificate has been drafted and the probate registry has witnessed the approval.

Kindly note that a copy of the Original of your winning certificate will be sent to you via fax as soon as possible and the original of the certificate with other relative documents from the court and the probate registry, has been forwarded to the courier company for onward delivering of your winnings.

Kindly contacts the courier to claim your winnings from the delivering company and giving them all your winning combination codes and numbers as reference for them to be able to attend to your claims.

The courier can be contacted as below:
TEL:+44 7031893361
TEL:+44 7031893312
Congratulation Once More
Mr. Colin Murphy
(Latin Security Agent)

There seems to be a lot of steps to win this lottery, I mean they never even contacted me to tell me I was in the contest, I win, and now it has to go through all of these approvals in order to get sent to me?! I wonder if these scammers even read their own emails. Here is my sexy time reply:

From: Philip McKraken (
Sent: Fri 10/26/07 10:53 AM
To: Murphy Colin (

Thanks, can you send the numbers to me again, I have Analtourette's, causing me to lose important information some times. Why would my claims form need to be sent to the British high court? I am not so sure about this, I used to live in Britain, and even got knighted, maybe you have heard about me, Sir Mixalot? It was due to my stage name, Mixalot and the Donkey punch, a travelling massage parlor/ bukkake show, and some of the Royal family heard about my famed "Spinning bukkake" dance and bestowed such honors on me. Well one night I was attempting the "spitting donkey punch" and accidentally performed the backwards dirty Sanchez on an unlucky bystander, there was blood, broken beer bottles and used condoms everywhere. Maybe you heard about it, it was all over the news? If not, no matter, I became a fugitive then, wearing only some baggy bikini thong underwear and shunning sunlight in order to eat raw fish whilst crouching in the corner... anyway, I will contact the courier today and give him my information...

Love and Snuggles!

Philip McKraken, OBGYN, DDS, Esq.AKA "Sir Mixalot" of Mypossesonbroadwayshire

So, I send an email to the courier service, and cc Colin in on it:

From: Philip McKraken (
Sent: Mon 10/29/07 12:27 AM

My main man Colin wants me to contact you about getting my reward over to me... but your email seems to be coming from United Kingdom... how long is it going to take you to get my cash here? You better not surrender it to anyone else, I know how you limeys are!Tell me what I need to do to get this ball rolling.


Philip McKraken, OBGYN, DDS, Esq.

Lucky Winner;
REF NO: MELI-T/17-F044262312
TICKET NUMBER 9901-0148-790-691
BAT NUMBER 10002987765

I did not want to go completely crazy on this guy yet; you have to nurture these relationships, as I had learned from the Stella fiasco, you cannot talk about mangravy and sucking black tubesteak on the first email, which is strange because the few ladies I had been with in high school did not seem to mind doing just that on the first date, must just be those uppity foreign women, go figure.

From: Benson Hunter (
Sent: Mon 10/29/07 6:39 AM
To: Philip McKraken (

Welcome to On The Dot Couriers

Head Office
5 Shipston Industrial Estate
Darlingscott Road
CV36 4PR

Your email was recieved in our office today,This email is to inform you that and International Certified Cashiers Cheque Made Out In Your name in the amount of £850,000.00{Eight hundred and fifty thousand Great Britain Pounds}and some other vital document was sent to us by a lottery company here in United kingdom.

Right now your check is in our possesion ready to me delivered to you without any delay,but before we can commence on the delivering you are therefor to send us the following requirements.for us to commence with the delivering of your check.


You are to proved us with the details as soon as possible. For more information about On The Dot then please contact us and we will be more than happy to send out our parcel delivering invoice to you any other information you require. Please contact immediately.

Warm Regards
Mr.Steve Williams

...and my reply shall come tomorrow, I need to get this picture he sent copied. It's kind of funny, I guess someone left their computer on in an internet cafe, because I got 14 new and different scam emails from Lagos, Nigeria this last weekend, and so now I am actually pretty busy trying to nurture some fun from those. Smeagol was let out this weekend, he got picked up in Blue Springs for driving on expired tags and warrants, and then got transported to Independence, yada yada yada... How messed up is it that no one even gets riled up or anything when Smeagol goes to jail? I am going to try to give him this uHaul bill, they charged us 50 extra dollars for "chemical cleanup" in that truck, LOL! More tomorrow.

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