Friday, November 2, 2007

My Warrant

Hip hop it won't stop

Stevester makes your body rock

like a zombie train

My Warrant

So I had just gotten the job at Burger King North of the river, and the huge pay raise that accompanied it (I went from 4.75 to 6.00 an hour, Whoop whoop!) and as a goodbye present, my manager from the Troost Burger King put down I had worked like 30 hours of overtime so I would get a sweet ass check when I left. Smeagol had just started working with me, and was driving me up to pick up my check, which is funny because he never drove me anywhere unless there was a prospect of him getting money or food out of it.

I had not bothered getting my license yet, and we were leaving Burger King and Smeagol did as he always did when the act of sitting up and driving for the 35 minute trip up to Burger King got to him: he told me to drive and crawled over the seat into the back seat of the car and curled up in a little ball, which would have been cute if he was 5, and started purring like a kitten with mad halitosis while he slept, laying those tired ass farts that stunk the whole car up.

As usual, I let my window down, turned the radio up, cashed my check and went to go get a couple of shirts, leaving Smeagol snoring and farting contentedly in the crisp autumn air. I cracked the windows so it would be warm enough for him but slightly less toxic in there, and walked around the mall, buying s Donovan McNabb jersey and some other assorted items. I play a couple of games at the ardace, eat, and go back out to the car where he is still asleep, and start to drive home. There used to be a full clover leaf interchange on 169, and I was getting on the side going South, and a cop was turning as well. I slowed down since I had a yield sign, and he stopped and waved me over. I started driving, and he did to, confusing me. He then stopped me and said I cut him off, though he did not tell me I cut him off until I was handcuffed and put in the back of the paddy wagon. Smeagol was still blissfully aslee, completely unaware of what was going on.

While I was in the paddy wagon, which is messed up because I was not armed and no one never read my any rights, the cop was asking me if I had any drugs or anything in the car, and said I fit a description of someone who robbed a bank. Of course I did, I'm black! Anyway while this was going on, I caught a glimps of Smeagol being shaken awake by the other cop. It was so funny seeing his legs jiggling as he was shaken senseless, and I could imagine the cop not wanting to do it because of the smell of flatulence and the realization that this was the infamous Smeagol. He finally woke up, got out of the car smoothing his hair, and stood there talking to the officer. Notice throughout this whole thing no one asked me for my license. Here is what it looked like from my view:

Artist's rendition

Smeagol getting stopped, the sun caught a whiff of him.

Anyway, the cop then handcuffs Smeagol, and they let me out of the wagon and put Smeagol in it, apparently he had 3 warrants with the bumblebee building in NKC, so all's well that ends well... More Monday

Also, I sent in my insurance payment to GEICO, and realized they have an email contact page... observe my questions, I will let you know if they get answered:

I had a couple of questions, and since everyone loves numbered format here ya go!

1. I was told that my payment would drop from 172 something to like 130 after a couple of has not. Why?

2. Is there a way I can look to see when my policy for the year would be paid in full? Like so I could see future payments and maybe see when I can start spending the money I am spending on auto insurance to buy more crap off of eBay?

3. Canada.... why?

I am not kidding I really sent these in... awesome, huh?

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