my ass hurt and it leaks now
don't tell anyone
The above haiku is in honor of Smeagol breaking his record previously held in 2002 for "most times sent to jail in a year", although it is not an official count, he has been to jail 14 times this year for random things in different jurisdicitons, most of them overnight stays and I am sure that broke a record or something since he usually only goes to jail once a month.
Benson Hunter Time!
So the last time we left Benson Hunter he sent this short email to remind me to pay him the scam money he wanted:
Date: Mon, 26 Nov 2007 10:14:26 +0000
From: info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: To Mr. Gerbiler Bob
To: philip_mckraken@hotmail.com
Attn:Mr.Bukkake Bob
How was your weekend with your family?This is to kindly inform you that the courier company are still awaiting the confirmation of the payment today monday.you are advised to send down the scan copy of the payment information via email attachment so that our accounting department can have proper record of the money paid by you the beneficiary of the parcel to be delivered to you.
As soon we received the payment today the courier company will commence with the delivering of your parcel without any further delay.
We are looking forwared to hear from you very soon.
Thanks
Bukkake Bob
My response, I really did try to find out how many numbers are in a Western union transfer number, and could not so I just guessed:
RE: To Mr. Gerbiler Bob
From: Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
Sent: Mon 11/26/07 10:12 PM
To: Benson Hunter (info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk)
Dear Bukkake Bob,
I do not have a family, except for my gerbil Mr Sphincter, and he is a little smelly after his latest adventure, so I am giving him a little gerbil bath! Hot Karl came by, and after some wrestling around on the garage floor I finally tickled the answer out of his prostate, here are the details:
Mr. Thompson Cox
12 West Park Lane, Leicester This is a city about 100 miles North of London, I hope he drove there! Tee hee!
Mtc. number: 86518984
Secret question: Who wears short shorts?
Secret question answer: Bukkake Bob wears short shorts
amount sent: 1450.00
I did not have the other 50 dollars, is it possible to take the other out of my winnings? Please let me know. I want my package, why can you not just use Western Union to pay my money to me like I did for the document processing? Please let me know. Why am I paying this when you sent me an earlier email asking for 500 pounds as tax? I am a little worried, and Hot Karl says I should start to wonder if you are not a scammer. You aren't are you Bukkake Bob? If I still need to pay another 500 pounds as tax I will but assure me that you are not a scammer. Send me a picture with yourself holding up a sign with your name on it. You have given me some very shaky answers to some of my questions, Bukkake Bob, this is the least you can do.
Til I see your face,
Gerbiler Bob
It turns out I was wrong but he was so sure that I sent along the money his greed clouds over any thought that I might be onto him... observe:
Dear Bukkake Bob We need a Scan copy of the western union payment slip via email attachment
From: Benson Hunter (info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk)
Sent: Tue 11/27/07 6:50 AM
To: Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
Dear Bukkake Bob,
Thanks for your prompt response to our email the courier compay will want you to resend the mtcn numbers the mtcn numbers you sent to us is incorrent.
You are to send the 10 digit of the western union mtcn numbers immediately so that we can have a proper records of it even scan a copy of the western union payment slip for verification.
Thanks
Bukkake Bob
Twice this asshat cals ME Bukkake Bob, but I did not catch it until now. I don't answer right away, so...
Attn:Gerbiler Bob Fill in The form
From: Benson Hunter (info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk)
Sent: Tue 11/27/07 8:03 AM
To: Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
Attn:Gerbiler Bob
Your email was received in our accounting/shipping department of onthedot delivering company,this is to confirm that we are in receipt of your email and it content.
You should be very cleared by now that your parcel have been arraged and ready to be delivered to you,our delivering officials will want you to be at home for them to deliver it to you because we dont release this kind of parcel to some one else due to the content of the parcel and due to security reason we want you to be at home for our delivering officer to release the parcel to you right hand and you will need to sign some document as envident that you received your parcel personaly this will help the courie service.
The courier company will want you to realy comfirm the payment informations so that we can verify it and record it.
Receiver Names:
Senders Full Name:
Senders Contact Address:
MTCN Numbers:(10 Digit Numbers)
Amount Sent:
Qustion:() Anwers()
A scan Copy of Payment Slip via email attachment.
We are awaiting to comfirm the payment so that we can commence with the delivering of your parcel to you immediately.
Thanks
Mr.Bukkake Bob
Whatever, douche...
RE: Dear Bukkake Bob We need a Scan copy of the western union payment slip via email attachment
From: Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
Sent: Tue 11/27/07 11:14 PM
To: Benson Hunter (info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk)
Bukkake Bob,
I went and told Hot Karl that you and I are very angry with him for giving me the wrong number (that was his social security number). He told me he did not care and then tickled my Chicken McNuggets with a feather. I countered with a candy corn to the sphincter and he went down. I stood over him and did the macarena, the electric slide and the running man until he submitted himself to me, and while I was poking that candy corn further down inside his ass, I found the number.
I saw another email from you, so I will put the information in there. Have you thought about my proposal? Hot Karl and I would really like a picture of you if you could spare one, maybe one with you holding up a sign with your name on it... in fact, I will not send along the transfer numbers until I get a picture of you, Benson Hunter, holding up a sign with your code name written on it. I have sent the money, I am sure if you do not give Mr. Thompson Cox this information that the money will be sent back, send me a picture of yourself holding a sign saying "I am Bukkake Bob", and I will send along the information.
The balls are in your hands, Bukkake Bob
Gerbiler Bob
Does anyone here think I went a little too far with this one? Monday, the shocking conclusion. I am thinking about sending Bukkake Bob a link to this site as well to ebolamonkeyman, which I plan to post this to as well...I also need character names and parts to play. I would like it if one of you would step up and take over my semorebutts email so we can have another person sending emails, maybe be Philip_mckraken's lawyer or something, my altar boy. Tell me your thoughts!
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