Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Scam Time! (ongoing series)

A wistful image

of a warm house in winter

pay your gas bill, Smeags!

Scam Time!

Alright so after I sent out that last email I did not expect anything back, in all honesty it was pretty over the top. My wife informed me that I should not try to be gay, because I oversell the part, no gay man uses terms like "man-gravy" or "man-chowder", though they should, you cannot tell me when you read those two terms you did not snicker just a little bit. Anyway, on to the response and my retort!

Stella H. to Phil M.

Hi,I live in london,after you get the consignment and will come over to meet with you.Canada is where the consignment was met to delivered and you pick the consignment from there.
You must know there that i am not single at all. ouch!

call me as you get this message now.

Wow, short, to the point, and apparently she did not fall in love with Philip's picture like I did when I saw it all those years ago...no matter... Phil McKraken never gives up!

Phil M. to Stella H.

Stella, I have received your email and must admit I am a little confused. I thought the original consignment was from Brazil, not Canada? Please explain. I do not particularly want to deal with Canadians, as they have police that apparently mount people, it's built right into their names.

Anyway, I would love to call you, but my Tracfone does not make long distance calls, I am going to look for an AT&T cellular phone, but for now email is the best way to talk to me. I also notice you have not sent a picture. Why? I sent you one, the least you can do if we are going to be business partners is send me one back... do not be selfish Stella. I am also slightly saddened that you are married. How does your husband feel about us doing business? Did he see my picture? What did he say?

And also it is nice to know that you live in London and you are not one of those swarthy African negros, with their strange scents and tangled jungles of love hidden so expertly beneath loincloths, sweat trickling down their taut bodies... Anyway, to business. Is there something I need to sign or something? I really want to get this moving, I got another email from a Mr. Peter Okoye, and he has a similar deal, though it is helping him move 32.4 million dollars that his father left him. I will only need one of these deals, as once it is completed and I am rich I will have no need of the other; I'm not greedy you know.

I also am thinking maybe Peter Okoye can get me Christian Okoye's autograph, which should be worth a lot of money now. So the price went up a little bit, I want 30% of the consignment and an autograph from someone famous where you live... hmmm... who is famous from England...Crikey I have no ideas mate, maybe WInston Churchill or maybe Monty Python... you choose.

Anyway, please write back and send a picture so I know who I am dealing with, that way we can build trust. Also I forgive you for Hugh Grant but we need to work on some kind of reperations for Emo Phillips.

Phil McKraken

PS - would it be easier if I just caught a flight out to London? Do you have roads and the electricity there? I saw Braveheart, and I go to the Rennaissance Festival each year, so I know a lot about England and it's current events. Let's put a shrimp on the Barbie mate!

Tomorrow: back to Smeagol... I need to let these build up a bit.

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