Thursday, October 11, 2007

The Move (part III)

So this is the end
of this intrepid journey
but not of Smeagol

The Move

So I go outside, notice at this point we had been in the house for almost 10 minutes when JJ shows up, and Mystery is sitting in the car, looking at a tree. I hadn't even noticed her when I walked by Smeagol's ride, sure I could smell her stank but really when does Smeagol's car not smell of dried shit and failure? (Don't answer that).

I yell out to Smeagol to turn around, as he is in front of me, and get a photo off on my disposable camera before he can cover his face with his claws, I am going to get the camera developed this weekend and share it early next week. So Smeags and Mystery get in their car and pull out of the driveway, I guess indicating they did not want anyone riding with them. JJ, AV and I pile into my truck and take off.

The ride up to the storage locker pissed me off, because the locker was literally 5 miles from my house, and my car was at home. Smeagol and Mystery had driven from Liberty, about 5 miles away, all the way down south and then made me waste my fucking gas when they could have picked me up. I am pissed... AV tells us he will help move stuff out of the truck, and JJ and I share a knowing smirk, as we both knew once he smelled what had been festering in that hot ass truck for 2 days in the hot sun he would probably pass out, much less help.

We get the truck open, and dear God the smell is impenetrable and almost brings me to my knees. I don't even care at this point, I wrap my shirt around my face so I do not get knocked out by the 1-2 punch of the smell and the sight of those maggots crawling all over everything.... by the way do not read this if you just ate lunch. We get all the stuff moved into the locker, and then, in classic Smeagol style, he informs us that he does not have any money to finish paying us but will next payday. I expected it, as did JJ, and we both nod, knowing we will not see him for a month, which is usually how long he stays away, assuming we forget about his debt and then coming back.

As a consolation prize, though, he does offer to feed us. Oh, before I forget, Mystery attempted to help move stuff, and was literally taking individual books out of a box and walking around the truck with them, her retardedness radiating from each uncoordinated step, and put them in the trunk of Smeag's car. Damn she suxass. Anyway JJ suggests we go, as he had not had a chance to eat dinner. We get into our original configurations and head out, leaving all the crap that fell out of the fridge when I almost dropped it laying on the ground and shitwater and maggots and roaches in the back of the truck, which I take back without cleaning, shit ain't my problem.

So we are at Wendy's. Smeagol tells JJ and I to get what we want, and completely ignores AV, which is pretty low and dangerous since AV is one of those guys who can snap over nothing and get all Chuck Norris on your ass, except he is as dark as Wesley Snipes and has no mustache but I digress... I give AV a 5 and tell him to get something, and I only order a drink, as every time I think of food at that point I think about maggots, great new diet plan huh. So I am waiting with JJ for his food, and SMeagol is curled up on the booth facing the front fucking door, gently rubbing both his foot and his balls through his pants right out in the open. Mystery is sitting there doing her little snort thing because she genuinely hates buying things for us and wants us to know it as much as she can without getting smacked by Smeagol, who is not strong enough to be called abusive but tries his best, bless his heart.

There are fucking kids in the restaurant and this raptor is sitting there, no food in front of him, moaning softly and massaging either his balls or his prostate, I did not look close enough to tell. JJ goes up to the counter and orders his food "to go". As we are walking out, Smeagol asks JJ if he can just go ahead and follow me to drop the truck off, since he did not want to waste any gas and he lived nearby. I am too shocked to call him on either the irony or the hypocrisy. JJ says fine, and we part ways. We get to the house, and I ask if JJ has enough gas to get out there. He informs me that it does not take a lot of gas, and he will be fine. I inform him it is a nice long drive, and he looks at me like I had just got off the retard bus.

"Smeagol told me it was on 35th and Troost.... that's like 2 miles!"
I ask him when he told him that, and he says after Wendy's as we were getting into our respective vehicles. I inform him of where we are going, and the look on his face, priceless. I will update you on whether or not he carries out his threat to knock Smeagol's last tooth out, he was mad last night still and it had been 2 days.

Tomorrow: I have been corresponding with a scam artist for a couple of days, I will post the first couple of letters tomorrow, they are awesome!

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