Tuesday, October 23, 2007

My........God.

It's Smeagol! Smeagol!
Sleeping on the couch he is!
funking up the house!


Sometimes these stories write themselves...

So I was wondering what to write about today, maybe something else about my dad? Could be fun... something about my mom and the "mystical retard" she turned into when she was on the rock? Eh.... maybe.... I called JJ because he said he might be able to "acquire" a decomputation device for me from a business associate, whatever that means. I got my story.

JJ had not gotten the computer yet, no big deal I am not in a huge rush, and I ask him if he can locate a better picture of Smeagol, since all the ones I have show him with more teeth than he has now, making me look like a liar. He informs me he will ask our mom when she gets up, but he also has a Sony camcorder he might be able to get some video of the Smeags in his thong laying on the couch (I recently found out there is a difference between bikini briefs and bikini thongs or whatever, and since Smeagol'd underwear have only a thin strip of material in the back it is more of a thong than briefs, thus the designation... posterity is everything) sleeping, and that made me happy. I asked him if Smeagol was there at that time, and he remarked that he was not, but... and I quote here...

"He's going to come by after he pawns some stuff to give me my 100 dollars for this chick."

Read that again. I'll wait...

Done?

OK at this point JJ was talking about something else, so I interrupted him. "You cannot leave a statement like that unexplained, give me details!"

Apparently, JJ and AV have this "slutty white girl" who they allow to hang out with them in exchange for butt pleasures and other assorted sexy times with Smeagol, a service for which he pays 100 dollars each time. They then drive over to the house he moved out of (he had not told his landlord, apparently he had not truly been evicted yet, so I apologize for any confusion) and hump on the floor, I am assuming not very far from the maggots and shit water that trail throughout the house.

Smeagol had pawned his PSP, PS2 and most of the other electronics he owned in order to satiate his hot lust over this girl, who I now must see to see if she is as she is in my imagination... but it's kind of funny that he asked to borrow money and/ or my Nintendo DS the other day, boy I swear to holy Vishnu if he had pawned off my stuff I would have punched his perm off!

Why. This is the question that I ask myself each and every time I write a post. Why does this have to be my family. Why does the horrid stench of failure cover most of my family (sadly on both sides, my wife's family is almost as bad, but without the crack/ Smeagol) like a stinky fog, obfuscating any light those of us trying to pull ourselves from the quagmire of idiocy attempt to shine upon the name...

To answer Babbit's question, Smeagol is married to Mystery. Has been since 1997 (he claims he was drunk during the meeting, entire courting process and wedding evening, only coming out of his drunken slumber to see a ring on his finger) to this woman. He is giving his money to, and attempting to hump, another girl who, while it has been told took 5 different cocks in one evening, draws the line at giving the Smeags anything more than tiny tastes of the sloppy seconds (or in this case, fifths) by letting him smell the love milk she leaves in his bed after these encounters. So in a way, Mystery knows this other girl, but they are not one and the same, and to date I have not heard of this girl giving SMeagol more than the gift of her company, which in actuality is not a gift because he gives her cash to hang out with him.

More tomorrow, I have Mystery's pic, I am trying to send it to myself so I can post, check back later today it should be there.

3 comments:

wbabbit said...

LIGGET!

Stevester said...

The great thing is I just got off the line with JJ, and he lets guys who mow his lawn take her behind the house and poke her, but she is usually the intitiator... I must see this woman now. I must get a picture of her kissing Smeagol... it will be my life's work.

This Haggard Machine said...

I have to say it...

I see Smeags and Mystery standing together, and in my mind, it is accepted... I say "Yes, okay." (shortly after I swallow the puke in my throat). But seeing anyone else next to him just does not work, I probably couldn't hold it back.

It gives me a chuckle to know he has to pay to insert himself anywhere, and he will somehow call that love.