Thursday, October 18, 2007

Damn that Smeagol!

Curse that damn Smeagol!
bad breath, bikini briefs, ugh
how are we brothers?

Smeagol is in full effect ya'll

Alright, so with all of the moving Smeagol and Mystery have done recently, you would think he would, you know, live in his new apartment. Not so! Apparently, they moved in but ran out of money before they got their lights or gas turned on, though they have water and trash picked up by the apartment. What's hilarious is the damn apartment has a 99 dollar move in special, so how is it he could not afford to pay to get anything cut on?

Wellm here's how it went: Smeagol was given 2500 dollars to move by Mystery's mom. He spent 700 on parts for his remote control car, like on a gas engine, body kits and other assorted memorabilia, and also on hot wheels and stuff. He gave me 75 to help move total, which included the 15 he gave me to fill the truck back up. JJ got 150 for his trouble, but I think that was more out of fear than anything else. Smeagol showed up last Monday, and JJ carried out his promise to beat him into an even uglier pulp, or tried to. My mom said Smeagol was standing there talking smack and JJ hit him in the stomach, causing him to "crumple like some of your dad's dirty underwear".... thanks for the visual, Mom. Smeagol then gave JJ more money to leave him alone, and my mom said he stayed there looking forlornly at JJ until he left, in my imagination he was in his bikini briefs, sulking int he corner with a raw fish in his mouth, his weiner hanging aborijine style out because his panties don't quite fit, maybe sulking a little bit, licking his wounds, but mom said he just laid there curled up in a fetal position until JJ lost interest and left, then after hearing his car drive away, got up and started talking smack again.

I guess the question I have is what was Smeagol doing there? He has an apartment, I am sure he has not unboxed anything yet, and where was Mystery? JJ said he left her at the apartment, but there's no lights there! ell, I remember her sitting for 10-12 hours at Burger King out in the lobby, just looking out a window or mulling over the philosophical meanderings of a ketchup packet, so I guess it is possible he just left her at home.

Anyhoo, Smeagol spends all this money on toy car parts, buys some high performance parts for his car, which currently does not run because the engine is seized up, and the rest of the money simply disappears into what I like to call, the Cauldron of Failure. So my mom says he has been sleeping and eating and taking dumps at her house then disappearing during the day, either to go to work or to hide from the piercing rays of the sun, whichever is your guess.

I gotta ask, what is your theory on Smeagol? Do you think if my mom does what she says she will do and gets his utilities tured back on he will stop coming over and mooching/ stopping up their toilet/ eating all their food/ stinking up their furniture?

More tomorrow.


wbabbit said...

Not a chance, all she can do is change the locks and never go anywhere...

wbabbit said...

And where's the goddamn picture from moving?

Stevester said...

Smeagol can transcend human attempts to lock him out, he is actually attracted to locks, that's why he is in jail all the time, like the moth to the flame