Thursday, September 27, 2007

Right up the Butt!

More than a Woman
Stayin' Alive rocks my jock
I AM the night fever

Butt Lovin'

First of all, I am listening to the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, hot damn I love that shiznitobam-slip-slap-Sally. Anyway, on to the story, bitches!

Mystery loves anal domination. She really liked it up the butt. Smeagol got no end of joy regaling me with tales of him getting shitdick, and it annoyed the hell out of me. So one day, during the school year, I was running a little late (as I was every day because I didn't give a damn) and left after my brother had exited to work some more "booty ass overtime", meaning he was going to probably be sleeping at work that night. I go get into my ride, a primo 1985 Grand Marquis, which in those few lucky days the windows still rolled up, trust me not long after I separated myself from school and the idea of going they stopped doing that shit.

I get about a mile down the road and realize I forgot my cleats. I turn around and head back, and walk in on something I will never be able to unsee: Mystery, bent over the couch, her nasty naked ass mercifully pointed in such a way that I did not see her browneye, and some black guy, inserting his hardened penile into said browneye. We all froze, the awkward moment completely catching me off guard. I grabbed my cleats from in front of Mystery and walked out, trying not to vomit. Did that guy not smell her stinkin funk?

Mystery comes running out as I am starting the car, and asks me to not tell my brother, they were just hanging out. This elicited a few different thoughts:

1. I hate Mystery, and she hates me.
2. I fucking hate Mystery, and anything I can do to ruin her life is funny as well as imperative.
3. Smeagol is my brother, and I do not particularly condone cheating anyway, since my dad was so adept at doing that, even (no joke) sleeping with my aunt on his and my mom's wedding night (long story) after my other aunt apparently stabbed my uncle with a wine glass for being white (God I have so much work to do to catch you guys up).

So instead of going to school, I drive straight to my brother's work and tell him. He seems angry about it, but goes back to work. Whatever. They get in a huge fight that night, and I giggle myself to sleep when he throws Mystery out into the night and she stands there like a moronic puppy dog until he realizes that he is Smeagol, and she is probably the best he can get.

Epilogue: A few months later he caught her at work (They both work at the same nursing home) taking it up the ass from a janitor in the bathroom she was supposed to be cleaning. Do you get that? She was getting her browneye pounded in the same bathroom some old guy machine gunned with diarrhea only a few minutes before!

Tomorrow: Smeagol gets knocked out, not once, but twice, by really old guys, one of which has an oxygen tank.


wbabbit said...

And he's still with her?

Stevester said...

He meets her at a pay-by-the-hour hotel once a week for....ugh....whatever, he lives with his "girlfriend" and my mom, one until they kick him out and then with the other, and by "girlfriend" I mean "girl he gives money to who never sleeps with him but accepts the money as some form of payment for being seen in public with her"...

wbabbit said...

Wow, he makes enough to pay someone that much?