Friday, September 7, 2007

Quickies!

Handlebar mustache
Handlebar Mustache!
The ladies adore you so
I wish I had one :(

Interesting Tidbit day!

  • When I was 5, my babysitter would make me have sex with her in order to watch wrestling. Strangely, now I have to wrestle my wife down in order to have sex with her. The irony of this turn of events is completely lost to me.
  • My older brother sits to pee. He said that standing up takes to much energy.
  • Mystery would frequently tell me to "start walking" whenever I called attention to her idiocy or smell, which was always bad because she wore the same pair of off-white (I think they were actually white at one point) leggings all the time and never bathed.
  • My dad always told me when I turned 16 he would buy me some crack, LSD, meth, acid, coke, and other drugs and let me try them all to see which one I liked best. I opted to get a job and loan him money instead.
  • I had to chase my dad down numerous times when he owed me money or when he stood me up and made me walk home in completel football gear, looking like a complete douche walking from Northeast high school to Brookside at 10 o'clock at night in football pads. Yes inexplicably I wore the helmet the whole time too. What was I going to do, carry it?
  • Janet made this disgusting teeth sucking popping noise, always accompanied by that snort of snot. Soon thereafter she would be seen on the couch making out wiht my dad, probably letting him taste the dealer's cock.
  • When we were younger my little brother was racing us to a friends house on his brand new bike and got hit by an old Cadillac doing 15 miles an hour. We pointed and laughed.
  • As far as brotherly love goes, my little brother once stabbed me in the stomach with a broken beer bottle he had found over a video game because he thought I had taken his turn. I hadn't.
  • Later that month he walked in while I was playing Tecmo Super Bowl and kicked the Nintendo, resetting the game. I picked him up by his legs and swung him into the wrought iron bunk bed frame then stomped on his face. Then we played a game together.
  • My uncle who used to be a hardcore gangster got thrown out of my mom's house where he was staying because she said he was shitting in little plastic bags and hanging them outside his window on the shade tree in the backyard. I have no witty comment for this.
  • We have not one but 2 family members on different sides of the family who are quite active practitioners of bestiality. No comment there either.
  • My older brother paints his nails and perms his hair all the time, yet insists he is not gay, that he does that "to get with the ladies, because they tell some juicy gossip while they-re doing that".
  • My older brother is always working some "Booty-ass overtime". This is a quote. He loves saying that.
  • He also enjoys calling people "Bitch murfugger (I think it is motherfucker but he slurs it so much you cannot tell what he's saying) and calls my brother and I "niggie".

More goodness Monday. Most of these have stories attached to them, let me know if you want to hear them.

5 comments:

wbabbit said...

Umm all of them

jdoublep said...

i pee sitting down, too...for the same reason.

Stevester said...

Yeah but do you moan in an exasperated way while you do and sound like a girl? Nevermind don't answer TMI TMI (holding ears) hmHMM HmmHHMMM!

This Haggard Machine said...

The permed hair was awesome, it made him look like a cracked-out Jimi Hendrix somehow. And the painted claws were just... wow!

There was nothing more exciting to me than those three special words coming from R just as we all started work...

"I'm so tired..." followed by that weak-ass 2 taps on th shoulder he would do with his fist when walking by.

I tell you, on a Friday night, with 12 or 13 hours ahead of us, he would tell me he was already tired? It gave me a stiffy! I would find everything humanly cruel and annoying for him to do.

But it also made me mad that somehow, that tired-ass lil bitch got through it all, unscathed. That was the only reason I had any respect for the guy, lol

You brothers always had some crazy ways and no sense of time, but you all worked your asses off once you clocked in, and that was why I fought a lot to have you with me.

pinkpenguins said...

Hi Stevearino... oh yes, it's me. You may not know who me is, so you'll have to find out on my page, then you'll know. I think you may be proud that I'm on here. Not sure where to start, but that's okay. I'm lovin' the stories. I think it's 10 times better when you actually know the people, or is it? I haven't quite figured that one out yet. Will talk to you later.