Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Now we can share everything!

Mom thinks I smoke crack
And now I am her fave son
too bad I don't though

The Happiest Mom in the World

While I was working at the Burger King on Troost, I was losing weight at an alarming rate. Alarming because at one point I weghed less than I had since like the 6th grade. This did open up other avenues, though. I was well suited for basketball, and so every night during the summer after work we would break into the playground behind the high school by my house and play ball. Yes in the dark. We usually got Turtle, the 40 year old black guy who works at every fast food restaurant and takes his job way too seriously, to buy some Hurracane and Thunderbird so we didn't really need all that much light, the few streetlights around worked just fine.

I would wak home from these sessions, usually getting home at around 1130 or midnight. One night, I am walking up the hill, and I see Jeff's piece o' shit Mustang II sitting in the driveway. I walk up to the door, and my mom is coming outside at the same time. I am pretty sweaty, and not wearing my glasses because they were cheap and kept falling down my nose. My mom goes "you too?! Hooray for Steven!" and hugged me before getting in the car with Jeff and leaving. Whatever retard, I thought as I walked in. When my mom was on crack, I called her the "Mystical Retard" because everything was spiritual to her but then she always connected that with smoking rocks...but I digress.

The next morning my older brother tells me my mom is still abuzz with the new developments with me. "What the fuck are you talking about?" I ask nicely, while eating a big huge bowl of fucking nothing because my older brother ate all my food AGAIN...

"Mom thinks because you were all sweaty and wide eyed that you smoke crack now, and she wants to smoke a rock with you some time." WTF?!

It was at that moment I knew what I must do. I must gain weight and get a better job and move as far as possible from these raving lunatics before they have me biting my own ear all the time, or trying to...