Tomatoes swim in ranch sauce
Essence of Smeagol
Bukkake Bob
Alright, so when we last spoke of Mr. Benson Hunter, the gentleman who had taken on the name of Bukkake Bob, He was trying to get the correct numbers from the Western Union transfer Philip McKraken sent along to him. Philip told him Hot Karl was on to him and that now for verification purposes he wanted a picture of him holding up a sign with his name, Bukkake Bob, on it. Scammer's emails in black, my emails in red, thoughts and observations in blue:
Mr.Gerbiler Bob
From: Benson Hunter (info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk)
Sent: Wed 11/28/07 5:18 AM
To: Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
Dear Gerbiler Bob,
Thanks for your email i have scan my company ID for you to verify and comfirm it,please the accounting officer are still awaiting for the payment information so that there can commence with the delivering of your parcel.
Thanks
Bukkake Bob
Is this not the fakest company ID badge you have ever seen? The file name on the badge says SEELK JOHNSON, he was too lazy to even change the file name! I am most disappointed...
RE: Mr.Gerbiler Bob
From: Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
Sent: Wed 11/28/07 11:18 PM
To: Benson Hunter (info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk)
Bukkake Bob,
That is quite possibly, the worst forgery I have ever seen. I could stick my hand up my ass, shit all over the fingers, and still make a better ID card than that. First, the name of the picture is Seelk Johnson. Second, No company ID would have the word "Mr." before it.
Third, the quality of the picture is so bad I can tell you googled it and simply copied it into an email. Why? Are you afraid we will try to kidnap you? Hot Karl is beside himself with sadness, this was an unexpected kick in the McNuggets, it will take some nipple clamps, a pair of Cheetah thong underwear, and a visit to Buddies for some "Schlong Island Iced Teas" (their like long island ice tea but there is a pickled summer sausage in the drink) to help him get over this, I had to rub him down with butter and fist him with the Fist of the North Star for almost an hour before he would let my McNuggets free long enough to send out this email.
I will not give you the transfer number, and will get a refund of my money Friday morning unless you send me a picture of YOU holding a SIGN that says "I am Bukkake Bob". Here are the steps:
1. Stop reading this email.
2. Go grab a pen, you will find one either in your anus or under the couch.
3. Find some paper, make it big enough I can see it.
4. Write I AM BUKKAKE BOB on the paper in large letters.
5. Take a picture, use the polaroid you keep next to the bed from your gerbiling sessions.
6. attach it to an email and send it to me.
I really did send the money, Bukkake Bob. I am getting more and more scared that you are a scammer. Send me this picture so I know you are a real person and I will send the numbers and other information along to you. If you do not send along the picture, I will know you are a scammer and we can end this conversation. You have until Friday.
Sadly (and sorely),
Gerbiler Bob
I know I went too far on this one, and do not expect a response. Apparently, I am the only fish that is biting right this moment, because:
RE: Mr.Gerbiler Bob
From: Benson Hunter (info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk)
Sent: Fri 11/30/07 6:46 AM
To: Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
Attn:Gerbiler Bob,
Thanks for your prompt response to my email,I am very sorry that we cannot commence with the delivering of your parcel to you hence it would be sent back to the lottery company first thing on monday morning i will be contacting the British Hight Court to have withness and signed all the umclaimed parce document.
You can claim back your payment from the western union.
Thanks
Mr.Benson Hunter
So rather than send me his actual picture (I gave him an easy out here guys, I told him that I thought he sent along a fake one because he was afraid of Hot Karl) to me he decides to cut his losses and move on to the next scam. It is kinda sad, but amazingly far from over! Stevester does not give up that easily, if I did I would still be a virgin and would still live with Smeagol or my dad! Time to come clean:
RE: Mr.Gerbiler Bob
From: Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
Sent: Sat 12/01/07 11:01 AM
To: Benson Hunter (info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk)
Dear Benson "Bukkake Bob" Hunter,
You are an idiot. Firstly, "Bukkake" is a kind of japanese porn video where a woman accepts the seed of many different men onto her face at the same time then drinks all the mixed up semen off of her face. I wanted you to call yourself that as a way to test you to see if you were of at least average intelligence and would look up the name I gave you anywhere online. When you did not, I knew you were not a real lottery official, just a scum sucking scammer. I do enjoy that I have wasted your time, though. I have been posting our correspondence on http://steveshaikus.blogspot.com , and will also send it along to http://www.ebolamonkeyman.com , as your low intelligence level needs to be out there for all to see.
No lottery official would charge any money for the document processing or for some "parcel" to be delivered to them. I looked it up. That's why it is a "lottery", dumbass, because you only pay a dollar and then get thousands or millions in return. I knew you were a scammer when you changed the amount I needed to send you from a choice between 600 and 1200 dollars to 500 pounds as tax (I could tell you were getting a little desperate there, Bukkake) and finally to 1500 pounds. Did you waste a lot of gas going to Western Union? I hope so.
You are a worthless piece of dog shit and I hope you get gonhorrea and die alone in the cold streets of wherever you live after being raped by a gay man who had HIV. We had some good times, Bukkake, and for that I want to make you an offer. If you will send me your picture with either your real name or the code name on it, I will send you, via Western Union, 20 US dollars. Think about it. You have wasted all this time trying to scam me and you have nothing to show for it but some funny emails and that nasty itch you got from sitting in an internet cafe seat. I know that identification card you sent me was fake. I could have made a better one in Microsoft Paint in 20 minutes. In the future if you keep scamming people you might try getting a little more believable picture. Everyone at http://steveshaikus.blogspot.com
truly enjoyed reading about you, you do have some fans over here.
Die on the toilet,
The Stevester
I like this response. Nice, to the point. Amazingly, unbelievably, astoundingly, Benson has the absolute cajones to threaten me:
RE: Mr.Gerbiler Bob
From: Benson Hunter (info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk)
Sent: Sun 12/02/07 7:28 AM
To: Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
Attn:Gerbiler Bob,
Thanks for your prompt response to our last email,Your details will be forwared to the CTU.and the british FBI
LOL LOL LOL LOL LMFAO! First of all no one in Britain would call it the FBI, that is American. It's called SOCA, and it is a new office. I school this idiot, observe:
RE: Mr.Gerbiler Bob
From: Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
Sent: Sun 12/02/07 9:30 PM
To: Benson Hunter (info.onthedotdeliveringcompany@yahoo.co.uk)
Dear Moron,
Wow that really frightens me. And even if you were going to report me, what would you report? 'I tried to scam this guy and he didn't fall for it!!! Waaaaaaaaahh I'm gay!' Which is fine if you are actually gay, Bukkake Bob, I love you anyway, just not in a gay way.
The British FBI is also called the SOCA, while you are called a SCAMMER. I know you do not intend to send along any of our correspondence over to them, as even if you did all they would do is laugh at your incredible stupidity and then ignore the rest of your emails, and probably punch you in the taint in the process. I hate you, Bukkake Bob. You prey on those who work hard for the money they end up giving you for the small sliver of hope to be gotten from the lackluster stories you come up with. I would like to know if you actually checked out my website though, please let me know. It would make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know how much I have offended you. I plan on putting your email address and telephone number up for the public to see, and be on the lookout for a ton of hardcore gay porn that I plan on signing you up for.
Your mother sucks cocks in hell,
The Stevester
More Tomorrow...
2 comments:
As they say in teh intarwebs... "PWNED!!!"
Do not, I repeat, do NOT ask what I googled to get to that picture.
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