Monday, December 17, 2007

How I live my life

A fallen angel?
The willows whisper her name
Mystery, a child dies

Oldie but a goodie

I know I have sent this around once, but I want to get this down for posterity, but a few updates first:

1. Smeagol, completely oblivious to the fact that he just screwed her over, informed my mother that he was going to need about 30 dollars to make his car payment, the day after Smeagol and my mother got paid. I am not sure if it is motherly love or abject stupidity, but she gave it to him. WHen I asked, dumbfounded, why she even recognizes his presence, she started quoting something from the bible, triggering my Ignorance reflex, and the next 30 seconds I spent thinking about sports.

2. I am getting really good with these scams, and I have 4 that I have kept going for at least a month. I am going to update Margaret Kumasi, and tomorrow I will introduce you to one of the other three, let me know which one sounds more interesting:

Lilian Ray - This is a scammer who sent a bunch of pictures of a model or something, claiming to be this humble girl in a refugee camp looking for love, and once you fall for her, she is also looking for a foreign partner to accept her consignment her father left her. I am playing along, and Hot Karl has helped out on this one (Hot Karl is being played by the Tylester), we have thoroughly offended the reverend, which is hilarious.

Konombo Joseph - I started calling this scammer "Kotex Johnson", and he is now calling himself that. This is you average 419 scam, but I am trying to get him to join NAMBLA.

Aziz Musa - FOr this one I downloaded a bunch of pictures of Lisa Sparxxx (When you're at home do a Google image search on her, very....talented porn star) and am working under the guise of Candi Bubbles, who is currently n the set of Apache Penetrators 4: The Mojave Connection. THis scammer is falling in love with Candi, which is not hard to do since she has such a down home earthy look to her.

Carlson Bentley - This is a lottery scam, I won 500000 GBP and I only need to pay 220 dollars for a document fee in order to get the check sent to me. I am working the same route I did with Benson Hunter. Although the name of the company is different and the address is different, is Carlson Bentley Benson Hunter? We will find out. I am calling him Carlton Bendme and making sure I put the word "over" after his name as much as possible...

There are more scams, but these are the most entertaining... let me know or I will choose one at random, also I will do some more work on the Smeagol and Erica Saga, which is going to take a turn for the funnier... anyway, enjoy:

WHen we last left Margaret Kumasi, she had just started with the foundation she wanted me to open with the 31.5 million dollars her husband left her as she has cancer blah blah blah....scammer's emails in black, mine in red, thoughts in blue, Hot karl in green (Thong):

RE: from margaret‏
From: Margaret Kumasi (
Sent: Tue 12/04/07 12:36 AM
To: Semore Butts (

Dearest Semore Butts,

How are you? I hope you are doing well; I have contacted my attorney this morning regards to the procurement of the necessary document bank will require for this fund transfer process to your bank account, according to him he said that he is waiting for your details to secure the necessary documents, so I advice you to contact him and follow his is his contact again.

Name: Barr.Ubanwa Philip.


Please keep me posted,

Thanks and God bless you,

Yours faithfully,

Mrs. Margaret Kumasi,

Man these scammers are pushy! So I write to Barrister Ubanwa Philip, and go through a couple of different names, though now I am calling him Obiwan Kenobe and ending each email with "Help me Obiwan, you're my only hope".....really:

Margaret Kumasi‏
From: Semore Butts (
Sent: Tue 12/04/07 3:57 PM

Dear barrubanwaphilip1,

I am Semore Butts, heir to the throne of Zamunda, ruler of all the land. No I kid, I am not but I play someone who is on tv. I am the one Margaret Kumasi has chosen to receive her funds for the starting of the No Child Left Behind Untouched charity, also known as the Margaret Kumasi Charity.

I want to donate a small portion to NAMBLA, a very reputable charity here in the United States, in exchange for some good PR for our start up charities and to get some young labor to make our images hip so that we can become multimedia conglomerates working at McDonald's washing lettuce until we make assistant manager. Please tell me what I need to do to help, I am most willing.

Semore Butts.

PS - since your name is so long, barrubanwaphilip1, can I call you Bubba instead? Thanks in advance, Bubba

LOL, I kill me...anyway, his response and the introduction of Hot Karl tomorrow, this is my 10 commandments, which I have tried and am trying to live by in my daily lifes. You enjoy, very nice!

Top Ten Ways to Be "The Funny Guy" in your office.

10. Keep telling the same person that they have bad breath even if they don't. Then punch them in the mouth.

9. Announce in a meeting that you have AIDS. After everyone gives you the sympathy remarks, tell everyone how you're just kidding, and tell them that they are all a bunch of queers.

8. Before a meeting, fill your mouth with custard; then during the meeting put one finger in the air and make like you're hocking up a big loogie, then spit the custard into a glass and hand it to the person next to you and say "beat that!"

7. Inform a male coworker that he "wouldn't make a good hooker" then piss in his coffee and tellhim he needs a "good assfucking."

6. Always walk around with a big smile and keep one hand down the front of your pants.

5. Answer every question asked to you with "Fuck if I know!" then call the person a racial slur that doesn't even match their race.

4. Brag about the fact that you own a gun, and keep playing with your nuts, getting them really sweaty, then walk around shaking everyone's hand.

3. Run down the hall with your dick out while urinating all over and yell "IT WON'T STOP! GOD HELP ME! IT WON'T STOP!" then when it stops look down and say "ohhhhh..."

2. Ask to borrow someone else's pen; bring it to the bathroom; stick it in your ass; return it and tell the person to smell it; when they say that it smells bad, be like "Well it should! I had it in my ass!"

1. Shit on the floor in your office and when someone comes in and sees it, tell them its the fake plastic kind -- when they try to pick it up and realize that their hand is full of shit, laugh and point.

Soon, I will also post the "Beefmac" story, as it is hilarious and I cannot read it without almost shitting myself. Yeah yeah, I know: "Use your onw material asshole!" And I have a lot more of my own material, but I am also incredibly lazy, so deal with it.

1 comment:

wbabbit said...

Dude where's the followup from Friday!