O Benson Hunter,
How I miss your stupid ways
I'll miss you, scumbag
Smeagol Time!
So JJ calls at like 1115 last night, and I pick up to see what the hell he wants, even though I just got out of the shower, and was standing there powdering my balls (don't judge). It appears That Smeagol, whilst hiding out from me, has been a busy little raptor. He offered my mom 10 dollars to perm his hair, and she did the work, actually touching his scalp, and then he said he was going out to his car to get the money and drove off.
His undercover lover, the lavicious Nikki (the girl who was offering it for like 10 bucks a pop but JJ told Smeagol 100 so he could scam him of his money), had confessed recently to attaining Chlamydia (which, if you watch the Ladies Man, is a soup), thus ending their short love relationship. I personally quipped she got it from laying on the same carpet we dragged that maggot infested refrigerator across, and that shit filled fish tank. Smeagol asked JJ if she had gotten her shot to clear that up yet, and was more than disappointed to find out she did not, even offering to pay to get the shot for her so he could go back to banging her, trying to propogate the raptop with a bad perm race throughout this planet that shit on him every day.
You would think this is enough crap for Smeagol to be doing, well you're wrong! Smeags raptored some money from my mom a while ago, and she was a little short on money, and asked Smeagol if he could bring by 20 dollars or so so they could pick up dinner. Smeagol promised he would be by around 5 or 530 to bring the money, and called in to work, forcing my mom to go in early (They work at the same place, only different shifts) to pass out meds, which is beneath what she usually does since she is head nurse on her shift. Anyway, Smeagol called in, presumably to go by his bank and get the money, and as of 1115 last night, had not shown up or answered his phone... That's awesome, I mean we all knew he was not going to bring any money by. That one was a given. But to also call in and force my mom to work, it's a good thing they actually had food and just wanted something else... I am sure Smeagol was at his house, laying on his stinky ass couch in his apartment, eating kim chi, maybe cawing softly to himself at how he got over on someone again, trying in vain to beat Castlevania: Symphony of the Night (I will post why this is hilarious in the future)... JJ assured me when Smeagol comes by in the next few days to sleep on my mom's couch that he is going to knock him off the couch onto the floor...
Maybe a scam tomorrow, maybe not.
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