Monday, January 28, 2008

Stuff that Annoys me, part 58973409 of 898349280843

stark buildings contrast grey sky
The robots have won

Annoying Stuff

1. When I go through all the trouble to toilet shop (see definitions for explanation), and some asshole comes into the crapper right after me and takes the stall right next to mine, like we are in a competition or something. Look asshole, I am trying to play my gameboy micro and relax a bit, maybe take the stall 2 down. It's really annoying on the 4th floor here, as there are 7 stalls and they usually STILL take the stall next to mine, and I ALWAYS take the stall the furthest from the door.

2. When I am driving and someone speeds up to make sure I do not get in front of them, then get off at the next exit by cutting me off. I so wish one of these days I could just follow them to where they are going and beat the living shit out of them and then shit on their face while teabagging them.

3. When I take all the trouble to show up for work at the crack of 8:23, and you call at 8:24 because you saw me walking by. Fuck you, you!

4. When we are at an all you can eat buffet and you stand right in front of the food and shoot the shit with someone else, completely oblivious to anyone else trying to get around your rotund ass to get to the food. Why are you even by the salad bar anyway fatso?

5. When it is early morning and you look at, smile at or accidentally touch me. Fuck you, die. Kids too.

6. When you are a kid and you attempt to interact with me.

7. When you are eating 2 slices of pizza one on top of the other with some ham and cheese inside and you are eating so fast the pizza flies out of your mouth and all over my fucking arm because I am sitting in a 3 foot vicinity. He was only eating 2 slices of pizza, I added the ham and cheese because really, he might as well have done that.

8. When I am trying to sleep and you call and ask me if I was asleep when you know goddamn well I was. Eat fuck.

9. When I show you a karate move and you try to take my head off while I am teaching you in order to impress me. Look I can kick the shit out of you and then where would you be? Laying in a hospital bed, drinking your food through a tube inserted into your ass, still doing the move wrong.

10. When you ask me to hold my arm out so you can take blood and dry hump my clenched fist and act like nothing happened. Why do my fingers smell like tasty fish then? Why can I not stop licking them?

11. Talking to me while I am dropping a deuce (Unless I called you, then it's hilarious)... I am trying to concentrate, asshat!

I would make a list of things that make me happy, but that's gay. Plus, and I may be the only one here like this, but being angry makes me happy, kind of like Ren in that episode of Ren and Stimpy when Stimpy put the happiness helmet on him. I miss that cartoon, just like I miss Tom and Jerry before they started talking... Sniff....

Anyway, how about those Chiefs?

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