Friday, January 25, 2008

Short one Today...

I'll bite your torso
and give you a bad disease!
Linoleum Knife!

Poll of the Century

Listen ya'll. We are about to make history here. Like KGP (Kyle Gass Project) and Wesley Willis, there comes a time when a man learns how to play 7 chords on a guitar, and starts a band instead of practicing said chords.

That time is now.

Let me start earlier than that. I played cello for 9 years. I know, I know, "Stevester 9 years?! You must be Nell Carter's son!" Anyway, I decided to build on that success by rocking out on Guitar Hero. I just beat Rock the 80's on Hard mode. I know, I was psyched too. After that, I felt dead inside. I beat the other 2 Guitar Heros I had on Medium and started working on Hard Mode, but the tickly feeling in my balls as I rocked out was dissipating, meaning the thrill was leaving or Max was no longer there.

I decided drastic action was needed.

I bought Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. Side note on that. DO NOT USE WALMART SITE TO STORE!. If the product you want is in the store, 40 paces from where you have to go pick it up, they still will not let you have one right out of the store, which is what I thought. You have to wait 10 fucking business days for one to be shipped from Satan's Asshole, or wherever the Walmart Big Warehouse is. It pissed me off royally to walk by the Guitar Heros on the shelf and totally not get one for like 2 weeks. Totally gay.

Anyway, I took the success I had built playing Guitar Hero and attempted to apply it to the six string acoustic guitar. You would be amazed to find this out, but it did not translate well. Turns out the guitar on Guitar Hero is nothing like a real guitar, but more of a rhythm game. I was embarrassed, hungry, a little cold, and horny. I leapt into action and watched TV the rest of the night, and purchased a First Act guitar the next day to begin my training at the crack of 6 PM! I have now learned the Ephrygian scale, the blues scale, and 7 chords. I am ready to rawk. But I had left out the most important part: The band name.

I just saw the Aqua Teen Hunger Force Movie, and was psyched about naming my band "Linoleum Knife", which sounds both bad ass and handy in the kitchen, just like me.

But then I saw the video on YouTube of Renaldo Lapuz singing "You are my Brother Forever", and his outfit prompted the Tylester to call him a "Matador Pimp".

I now need you my faithful readers and other people who had a school project to look up haikus and stumbled across this site, to assist me in finding destiny.

Please vote in the poll.

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