Thursday, January 17, 2008

Smeagol vs. Mystical Retard, Mortal Kombat style!

My name is Smeagol
and failure is my whole game
like jail is my home

The setup:

OK I have probably told this story before, but I wanted to properly hash this out so we can all see how Smeagol became a hated family member.

MR had a stroke, a minor one. She was in the hospital, and JJ was bawling his eyes out. I am not sure whether or not this makes me a jerk, but I cannot bring myself to cry at any situation, or show much emotion either. When my sons were born I was all like "alright, nice job." When my grandfather died, I was sad, but not sad enough to cry or allow anyone to hug me.

Anyway, Smeagol was gleeful the entire time, telling us about how he had predicted the whole thing would happen "I told her with all that junk food she eats she is going to have a stroke or something, tee-hee!" Jeez what a douche. MR got out of the hospital, and went right back to her old life, drinking sugary drinks, eating whatever she wanted, good things.

And so it was that about 3 months later, she collapsed again, this time from high blood sugar (somewhere around 600) and had to go on pills to control her diabetes. Smeagol called me gleefully, yet again: "Hey niggie did you hear what happened to mom? Whooooooooooooniggie she fell down and passed out! I told her to lay off all that Hawaiian Punch she was drinking! Do you think if she dies she left us anything?" This was right on the heels of MR getting a settlement, and giving each of us about 2 grand out of it, and Smeagol taking his money and instantly asking both JJ and I, right in front of our mom, if he could borrow some money because he already had his share spent.

Let me go on a tangent here. My mom got a settlement for something or other, and I tried to make it as plain as possible that I did not feel comfortable taking money from her, because I have this thing where if I accept a gift, money or anything from someone, I feel like I am obligated to be nice to them or perform any act, no matter how small the donation or gift was, for them to pay them back (don't get any ideas, Tylester), and it pisses me off when someone gives me a compliment or anything or does anything nice for me, almost like I was raised wrong.

Anyway, she forced this money on me by telling me I hurt her mystical feelings by refusing her right to help me, so fuck it I took it. JJ is her current favorite son (I think I have the formula down for how to be her favorite son, I will post later) and so she bought him a car for like 3100 bux and gave him 4-500 dollars pocket money. I didn't care, but Smeagol called me every day for weeks asking if I had gotten anything else, and whining about how he got the short end of the stick. I ignored the part about how he would refuse to drive her home and how he crashed at her house and still talked smack to her all the time...

to be continued....

No comments: