Friday, July 18, 2008

The whole shebang!

Milky Way beckons
O why must you tempt me so?
must run; no escape

Alright so day 2 of my man-diet did not work so well. Instead of the full blown workout I had planned, followed by a tasty salad and a few calorie-free nibbles of air, I went to Gates. I rationalized it by saying to myself that it was mostly meat, and therefore healthy.

Alright, undeterred, I plan on working out today. Unless someone is going by Gates, or the wind blows that tasty scent of McDonald's this way again, or one of those ghetto hoochies walks by with the cellophane-riddled booty just made for motor boatin', that's good eatin!

I'm sorry that was sick, even for me.

Anyway, For today's tale we go back to when I believe Smeagol finally made the true transition from human to raptor extraordinaire. The year, 1988. It was a magical year, one in which we would find out we lived 1 block from, and our bus stop was 4 houses from, the only serial killer known to have come from Kansas City, Robert Berdella . Smeagol, then a normal human being, was just starting to show raptor tendencies: He would continuously beat up on my little brother and I, was failing in school, karate, and pretty much everywhere else in the game we call life in favor of walking Lost Boys style up and down the railroad tracks, making sure we never got turns on the nintendo and watching Rad and A Nightmare on Elm Street and generally making an ass of himself.

It should have come as no surprise that Smeags had not been making it to school, in light of his later years, but it was especially funny since we lived 5 blocks from said school and he said he missed the bus, among other excuses. Throw in the fact that he had just been defeated in unarmed physical combat by Toboggan Boy for daring to point out that he was supporting his booty call better than us, and you got yourself a nice little base for the souffle that is failure.

It was at this time the Smeagol started on his long downward journey into the depths of his own depravity. In the movie trying to portray him, It is said he was a noble king who fell victim to some ring, when in all reality he was only the king of his thong, and he pawned that ring to buy kim chi a long time ago.

From these humble beginnings we would get the long-lived dynasty that is Smeagol.

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