Thursday, July 10, 2008

Short Postification

old dingleberry
sways in butt wind, never breaks
caught in drunk man's teeth

I was going to post another 800 paragraph story today, but I figured I would be a little lazy, since I am a lot lazy at work and I am trying to find a perfect balance of taste and refreshment (Miller Lite).

So the wife and I are laying in bed last night, me trying desperately to sleep while her and the pillow with legs that is our cat take turns trying to take up my whole damn side of the bed, when she says "hey, I like that one movie, you know, the one with the old people in it?" The way she said it means I have to now guess what movie she is thinking about.

"Grumpy Old Men?" It has old people, it is a movie.
"No," and now she is for some reason annoyed I did not get it on the first try, I think the reason is because she read in Cosmo or one of those whiny ass PERIODicals that "your true soulmate knows everything you are thinking" or some such shit along with "1000 ways to please your man" or "100 ways to make him scream in ecstasy" and let me get off track for a minute here: if out of those 1000 ways to please your man, the words "blowjob" and "silence" do not show up? The writer has either:
A: never slept with a man, or if the writer is a man,
B: is both gay and never achieved an erection.

I, and by "I" I mean EVERY FUCKING MAN ON THE PLANET, wants the same thing: stick my wiener in a wet hole that is on a human or at least a warmed up meat sandwich, silence and some kind of awesomeness that has either combat, sportification or a fine melding of the two on the television, which seems to complement the silence very well.

Anyway, back to the guessing. So I realize that 1), she has no intention of giving me any more hints, and that 2) since I answered I have to finish guessing until I get it right or I will never get any sleep and I had planned on dreaming about Alicia Keyes again so I wanted to get to sleep, dammit.

"Cocoon?" I have no idea what that movie was about, I heard the words "old" and "love" in the plot and opted to watch the other movie that came out at the time, "Breakin': Electric Boogaloo" and though that movie is a taint on the underside of the movie industry, I still feel better about the whole thing.

"That's it! Wow, we are fjdhsuinranvuihuruiwa" sorry, after I finish talking I usually tune other people out, no reason to ruin the moment. I must admit, I am a little proud of myself. 2 guesses and I can pick the exact movie out of "the one with the old people in it".... hot damn I'm good. Alicia Keyes tells me the same thing later after I win the superbowl and roundhouse kick Hitler in the face. I love that recurring dream.

I was thinking as I typified this, does this mean I have been with my wife for too long? I mean, I can usually tell what she's thinking and this is not the first time I have picked a movie or song from thin air and gotten it in less than 5 tries... holy hell, does this mean by the time we are like 60 I will know when she has to drop a deuce and shit like that? I guess I only have one option to combat being bored for the latter years of my life: I must become an international silver screen sensation, or at least see if I can publish steveshaikus into some sassy sassy memoirs.

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