Tuesday, September 16, 2008


burn the midnight oil
lance that nasty ass damn boil
Laotioan Love-boy

And so on a lovely Autumn day, not too long after I had moved out to seek my fortune in the world, things were still shitty at Casa de la Crack. Toboggan Boy had been fired from yet another gas station for stealing product, Janet didn't even bother making the myriad of drug dealers pounding her fur chute leave when he came home, and Long John was getting more and more aggressive with him.

It was during these dark times, being constantly kidnapped, having his paychecks taken away by various alphabet-soup gang dealers, that I think things finally snapped. I guess Toboggan Boy, showing some of the remnants of his former self, decided enough was enough. I imagine him taking Janet's plunging action head off the shaft of the dealer, sitting naked on his pillow, letting the shittles leak onto their dingy bedspread and onto the floor, ostensibly toward the gutter where Toboggan's self respect had long gone along with his pride.

Stomping downstairs, he turned his anger on Long John, who was sitting in the filthy ass living room, eating his daily rations of cinnamon rolls and Doritos. The television was on, and since we could not afford cable or a decent pair of rabbit ears Fatso was standing next to it, holding a hanger (I know this because we had to make him do that whenever we wanted to watch television).

"Get off your ass and clean this shit up!" Toboggan Boy screamed sensually.

Apparently, this did not sit well with the long-cocked Long John, and he stood up and here is where I lose belief in this, and would not believe it except I saw the cast and corroborated the story with JJ, Long John and Toboggan Boy:

Long John apparently picked up a marble chess piece, maybe a rook, no more than 2 inches tall and launched it at Toboggan Boy, who put his hands up defensively and caught the full fury of the tiny rock on his crack-addled arm, breaking it. So let's put this all into perspective: Smeagol gets knocked out by 80+ year old men, not once but twice, and on the other end of the spectrum
Toboggan Boy has his arm broken by a chess piece thrown at him by a 14 year old.

Sometimes I wonder myself why I am not more fucked up.

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