Monday, September 8, 2008

I hate children

Damn I hate children
Tiny teeth, annoying voices
But your kids are cool

Let me start with a disclaimer. I don't mind kids in small numbers. I don't mind kids that mind their own business. I don't mind kids that do not act like they are on crack. None of those aforementioned children showed up to my son's impromptu birthday party Saturday.

My son turned 8 yesterday, and we had decided in lieu of a bunch of hyperactive kids running around and breaking things that he could have his best friend over. This soon turned into his best friend and his cousin, which was still not that bad. I don't particularly like his cousin, because he thinks he knows everything in the world and can't see why you would dare disagree with him, and also thinks he is better than everyone else, but I digress.

So fine, 5 boys is not so bad, I figured we would head to Pizza Street, since they had a deal that kids eat free (which was not entirely true, once you got into the place 1 kid per each adult ate free, whatevs) and then finish the night at Chuck E. Cheese's. Then they would hopefully fall asleep so me and the wife can get busy. This is not how it ended up.

First, about 8 other kids showed up throughout the day, insisting they be let in because "so-and-so is in there!" and I could not come up with a reason for not letting the little hellions in. I told them all to go into the gameroom and either play or watch the other kids play the Wii, as I was not prepared to have a bunch of loser kids tear my damn house up literally an hour after I spent all day cleaning it.

In walks these little jerks, and completely ignoring my repeated requests to not raptor my damn house up they tear that gameroom apart. Kid A went into the toy closet and started literally dumping tubs of toys onto the floor, picked a solitary Pokemon out and walked off, Kid B went over to my bookshelf and just started tearing books off the shelf, throwing them on the floor. Kid C picked up my guitar and started slapping on it, fucking it up and throwing it out of tune. Fuck this. I stopped kid B, told him to leave and that he was not getting any cake, and then when the other kids were eating cake I ate a piece in the window so he could see me, feeling goodness in my heart as he stood there whining because he wanted cake too.

More on the weekend of terror tomorrow.

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