an old, shriveled ass
loud grunts, a toilet ruined
Smeagol's daily job
So today the Tylester got the honor of meeting the Smeags. It almost didn't happen and I was almost glad it didn't, because what if his idea of how Smeagol looked and acted and sounded was way off? What if Smeagol was really a totally normal guy who I had been making fun of this whole time?
Tylester said he lived up to most of the hype, but he might be just saying that to not hurt my feelings.
First, a quick update on his valiant efforts to find someone dumb enough to finance him an automobile (Smeagol, not Tylester):
JJ had the unfortunate task of driving the wily raptor around the city, hopefully not in search of a viable mate in order for Smeagol to lay his raptor eggs inside of...
Every time they passed a car dealershit (not a typo, those dealerships on Truman road are shit, and thus get the new term), Smeagol would want to stop, saying "I bet these guys haven't heard of me, they might finance me niggie!"
This went on for quite a few stops, each time JJ getting progressively more annoyed, each time having to listen to dealers telling Smeagol that even though they say on their commercials they can finance anyone, that they cannot finance a wily raptor like him.
The best one came last, as they stopped at the last car dealership on Truman Road before you get into dreaded Independence. They go in, and Smeagol starts with his "I have 50 dollars to put down, I really need a car, niggie!" and looking at all manner of nice looking, poorly running automobilic manifesto. The dealer comes out, and with a now practised tone informs Smeags "Look, with only 50 dollars to put down and some of the worst credit I have ever seen, I...I just don't see how I am going to be able to finance you. Begone, Raptor!" And waggled a valid credit card in Smeagol's face, hoping the look of success would frighten him into leaving. No, I kid about the begone, raptor part...
Smeagol's face fell, and then an idea hit him. JJ said he pointed at the sign that said "We Finance ANYONE" and was all like "But...but....your sign says you'll finance anyone" he whined, his thong drooping in sadness and from the juice his hot ass and balls extricated like a steady stream of Ugh....
"I know, I know, but I can;t finance you." With that, the dealer turned on his heel and went back inside, like all the others to laugh at that raptor. Sure, it looked like he was a liar, but think about it: They can finance any HUMAN, this was a raptor, one of the most dangerous in the region...no one needed that kind of headache!
Smeagol got back in the car, downtrodden by the ills and burdens of being a raptor in the world today, and had JJ drive him home.
Tomorrow... the rest of the tale!