Thursday, June 26, 2008

A Promise

A gentle man touch
open toilets, all can watch
downtown drunk tank

Alright, I know you are all waiting with baited (and masturbated) breath to hear more about Gravy and how it turned to her threatening to have me "whacked", and I promise I will get to that story tomorrow. I need to know your opinion on something and I need the honest truth, not like when Will would tell me my parents died while I was on lunch every day and laugh when I called to find them still alive.

One of the practical jokers here is having his 50th birthday celebration tomorrow. It is supposed to be a surprise. Somehow, the higher ups decided while trying to think up an adequate prank to play on him on his special day, that they should contact the Stevester and have me do something.

I created a powerpoint, transposing his face onto one of the rowers rowing Washington across the Delaware, and various other things, and assumed my job was done. Nope.

*sigh*, I really don't want to tell you all this, but I am sure you will be angry with me if you see it on Youtube and did not get the opportunity to see it first.....

Someone VERY HIGH in the food chain thought it would be a good idea if Brown Bear would dress up in a pink leotard and tutu, get wrapped up in a huge gift box, jump out and sing "I am Your Brother" from Renaldo Lapuz on American Idol (Youtube it), finishing the show by doing the worm in said tutu, all while "I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred plays in the background. There will be pictures and full motion video, and thus my quandary: If I post these media jewels on here for you all to see, how can I be sure they do not make it onto Youtube or even worse CNN somehow? I mean the idea of a fat black guy wearing a leotard and tutu doing the worm down a crowded hallway is adorable of course, but should it be internet-video worthy? It's quandaries like these that keep me awake at night, ladies and gentlemen... I put the vote up, I trust you will choose wisely.

By the Way, the Tylester can vouch that not only am I not joking, I am not exaggerating either. I seriously am going to wear a bright pink leotard and tutu ensemble and will sing and dance for the entire company. It's funny, because before this was leaked out to the public only about 10 or 15 people were going to show up, now there's like 40 or 50 (I am not sure of the exact number), including judges, who all intend to come, thus ensuring I do not back out. Everywhere I walk someone is pointing at me and laughing, like that day I wore suspenders to work. I am glad that I am secure enough in my own manhood to wear bicycle shorts with lace on them and this whole getup, especially since the wife offered to pay me to dance in said outfit.

All of this, though, boils down to a central question: Would a pink leotard and tutu, paired with bicycle shorts with lace on them, make me automatically gay? I mean, that's a big step that I might be taking without looking to make sure it's not off a precipice. I mean there was that one time that I raped those dudes in jail but that wasn't gay that was because I was angry, so...

Seriously though does that make me gay (not that there's anything wrong with that)?

Vote bitches!


Anonymous said...

No, it makes you Steve...a slightly gayer Steve (if that's possible)...but still Steve.

Stevester said...

Dammit, I am not gay! I just look really sexy in pink and butterflies and roses, is all... shit.