Meh

sheets crunchy with jizz
Red pillow spackled with it
I love cheap hotels

First, a tidbit: Apparently, to work off some of the gas money he owes my dad, Smeagol cleaned his house last week. As we all know, this is a stupid, stupid idea. Apparently after he left, JJ came home to find that he was missing all of his computer games, the flight stick controller I gave him and a keyboard. WHat makes this funny, you ask? Smeagol does not own a computer. Why would he take computer peripherals and games when he does not own the required hardware to use them?

JJ went to his house and saw them all sitting on a table and was all like "Uh, hey, those are all mine"... and Smeagol goes "Oh, I wondered where those came from!"

And what is funny about that. you ask?

Smeagol cleaned JJ's house earlier this week, and has already forgotten he stole 300 collars worth of crap! I mean honestly, we all know Smeagol has nothing in his house of worth, all of his possessions are in various pawn shops, hanging in an electrical purgatory for all of eternity. There is no way that wily raptor completely forgot about that, by golly if he ever loans you a dollar he will not let you forget about it, tell you what!

Anyway, with that out of the way, I wanted to share a little more about some of the scams I have been running. I know, I know, but I like them and they are funny. Scammer's in black, mine in blue, thoughts in red:


FROM THE DESK OF MR AMBROISE.J.COMPAORE.‏
From:
AMBROISE COMPAORE (amj70@hotmail.fr)
Sent:
Mon 12/10/07 7:19 AM
To:
FROM THE DESK OF MR AMBROISE.J.COMPAORE.AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING MANEGER , BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO. PLANE CRASH WEB SITE...http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm. ("REMITTANCE OF $12 MILLION U.S.A DOLLARS CONFIDENTIAL IS THE CASE")Compliments Of The Season,Forgive my indignation if this message comes to you as a surprise and may offend your personality for contacting you without your prior consent and writing through this channel.I got your contact from the proffesional data base found in the internet Yahoo tourist search.When i was searching for a foreign reliable partner.I assured of your capability and reliability to champion this business opportunity. After series of prayers/fasting.i was divinely directed to contact you among other names found in the data base Yahoo tourist search.I believe that God has a way of helping who is in need. I am (MR AMBROISE.J.COMPAORE),the Head of file Department in BANK OF AFRICA (B.O.A) OUAGADOUGOU-BURKINA FASO In my department we discovered an abandoned sum of $ 12 million U.S.A dollars ( Twelve million U.S.A dollars) . In an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his entire family in (Monday 31st July 2000) in a plane crash. Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next of kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidelines, but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died along side with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I and one official in my department now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and we don’t want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill. The Banking law and guideline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after eight years, the money will be transferred into the Bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occasioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner, and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner. We agree that 30% of this money will be for you as foreign partner, in respect to the provision of a foreign account, 10% will be set aside for expenses incured during the business and 60% would be for me and my woman colleague. There after i will visit your country for disbursement according to the percentages indicated. Therefore to enable the immediate transfer of this fund to you as arranged, you must apply first to the bank as relations or next of kin of the deceased indicating your bank name, your bank account number, your private telephone and fax number for easy and effective communication and location where the money will be remitted.Upon receipt of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email the text of the application I will not fail to bring to your notice that this transaction is hitch free and that you should not entertain any atom of fear as all required arrangements have been made for the transfer. You should contact me immediately as soon as you receive this letter. Trusting to hear from you immediately. Your’s faithfully,
MR AMBROISE.J.COMPAOREFROM (B.O.A) OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA-FASO.
GOD BLESSINGS,PROTECTIONS AND GUIDIANCE TO YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY.
(FILL THIS FORM BELLOW PLEASE AND RESEND IT TO ME).
1) Your Full Name.............................
2) Your Age.......................................
3) Marital Status................................
4) Your Cell Phone Number…………..
5) Your Fax Number……………….....
6) Your Country………………..............
7) Your Occupation............................
8) Sex................................................
9) Your Religion.................................
10) Your Private E-mail Adress...........

POST SCRITUM:You have to keep everything secret as to enable the transfer to move very smoothly in to the account you will prove to the bank.As you finished reading this letter call me immediately so that we discuss very well over this business

Meh, same old same old... let's have some fun!


RE: FROM THE DESK OF MR AMBROISE.J.COMPAORE.‏
From:
Philip McKraken (philip_mckraken@hotmail.com)
Sent:
Mon 12/10/07 6:47 PM
To:
AMBROISE COMPAORE (amj70@hotmail.fr)
Dear Amber:

Thank you for sending me this opportunity, you did not offend my personality and I do forgive your indignation. I am glad that my contact information is in the proffesional data base in the internet Yahoo tourist search. I am very capable and reliable to champion this business opportunity.

Before we proceed any further, I would like to get to know you a little better, as only a complete fool would send out his informations without knowing who he was dealing with; though I know from your email you are honest and sincere, there are a lot of scammers out there, who care nothing about stealing money from hard working Americans. I did have a question, though: do you know a Mr. Abbas Quatara, Director of Telex Cable, Department Bank of Africa? Does he work with you? If so tell him I said "hi". We are working on a completely unrelated transaction, it's such a small world!

I want to tell you a little more about myself before we proceed, then you can inform me of my worthiness to assist in your cause to get the modalities of this consignment. I am Philip McKraken, and I am the managing director of NAMBLA, a child advocate group known throughout the United States for championing the rights of children, especially young boys, right to love whomever they want without the persecution that goes along with some of the stigmas that we seem to revel in here. I head up the Northwestern Missouri chapter, also known as the Thilly Third Bun Brigade, and I am in charge of getting new recruits and also keeping the oppressive local law enforcement from intervening in our heavenly-sanctioned work. I am studying to be a priest, and enjoy many an evening wallowing in the semenary after a full mass and the training of a few of our more rambunctious altar boys. With this money I would like to get some more beds for our training barracks, pay for some better laundry service so that we can finaly beat the blacklight scans, and also get competent legal counsel for some of our upcoming legal showdowns.

As to the answers to your questions, I will put them below. Again, thank you for considering me, and let me know how we proceed from here. Your brother in NAMBLA, Phil McKraken, Chapter President PS - would you like to be an honorary member? I could make you one and send along a membership form, there is usually a 29.95 charge but I will waive that for my most esteemed business partner!
1) Your Full Name............................. Philip Mai McKraken
2) Your Age....................................... 37
3) Marital Status................................ SIngle
4) Your Cell Phone Number………….. 816-561-2600 (ask for me by my stage name, Iama Dildo)5) Your Fax Number………………..... no fax, is this a problem?
6) Your Country……………….............. United States
7) Your Occupation............................ Chapter President of NAMBLA8) Sex................................................ male (and yes)
9) Your Religion................................. Catholic
10) Your Private E-mail Adress........... philip_mckraken@hotmail.com