Monday, May 5, 2008

Things Kids Say

Taste the ambrosia
Sunlight glistens on window
This....is PBR

So I know you all only care about Smeagol and his exploits, or Toboggan Boy, but I figured I would share a few of the funnier things my darling children have said, if only as a tiny reprieve from the cloak of failure with it's aura of self-loathing...

"Poop is just farts you can see!" Said by my middle son yesterday while I dropped a deuce after he walked in and started bothering me by talking... Hello?! Do you not see the Dilbert book in my hands?

"Daniel is like a dog that we don't put a leash on" saod by my middle son about my youngest son, Daniel, while he was eating God friggin knows what off of the floor, right next to the dog, who was also lapping that crap up... that night, I didn't let either of them kiss me.

"My name is Matthew and this is Michael and that is Daniel and our mom isn't here and my dad has a big penis." Told by my oldest child a few months ago at the checkout line at Walmart. That got them all free ice cream, who says you can't train kids!

"Hey look Dad, I'm a dog too!" My middle son again, while hunched over in the yard right by my dog, in the same position, doing the same thing. I would have been disgusted to have a kid crap in my yard, but my dog turned around and ate it so it's all good...

"Uncle Smeagol's breath almost made me die!" Middle son again, are you seeing a pattern here?

"I like punching people in the penis, it makes them make funny faces!" Ask Will which one said that...

"Mom's penis is hidden in her butt!" Middle son again, after walking in on her in the shower...

"Daddy me poop!" My youngest son, exitedly over the phone this morning. When I saw him, he said it again, and just in case I was not sure where "poop" comes from he grabbed his ass a few times to help his dear old dad out.

"Hey, when you fart you're supposed to shake hands, you know." My oldest... I love filling their heads with absolute nonsense...

"Fag! Cock!" My oldest son, his first 2 naughty words, great times, he was mimicking me as I insulted Wyatt Earp.

More tomorrow...

1 comment:

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