Thursday, March 6, 2008

A pilot

there's nobody here
we're hidden in the doldrums
it's gray, it's dark, fuck.

Some things going on

I am thinking about starting a product review section on this site, not anything important or boring, mostly video games, beers and various products used in the act of snootch pounding (sorry, I watched South Park last night). It will also give me a chance to use my new camera a little more. I felt like a jerk in that little email thread that I did not actually have another blog set up for product reviews.

So far I have a few different criteria, here is the sample for video games:
Home Console:
Awesomeness (or lack thereof)
Smeagolness (would Smeagol play this game?)
Difficulty (how many times Smeagol would call around for help)
Price (is this damn game worth it?)


The portable console will be the far more in depth, as I play video games whilst shitting a lot more than I do sitting in a chair or anything.

Portability (can I finish an iteration of a game in one toilet shopping instance?)
saves (how hard is it to save the game and get out of the crapper when I want to, rather than sit there and develop butt crust trying to find a save point or turning the damn thing off in frustration)
Music (is it something that I would turn off to avoid embarrassment, or something that I could not bear to turn off even though I know I would be found out?)

This one will have to wait a while, I cannot drink for like 2 months due to alcohol constricting your eyes or some shit the doctor told me no for a couple of months after Lasik.

Price: If I have to think twice about it, it's too high. On the other hand, points can be taken away fi you can purchase a six pack for less than 50 cents a beer (I'm looking at you, Camo and Night Train)
Hoppiness: Does this beer have pizzazz?
guzziliness: Can the Stevester chug one without having to bother tasting it, or is it a beer so good chugging seems like a crime? (For instance, I chug Guinness, I hate that crap but if that's all thats there, fuck it. With Foster's, however, gentle sips until the pint is extinguished is the order of the day)
Drunkenness: How long does it take before Brown bear either passes out or starts attempting to molest whomever is nearest? (I found out with Sam Adam's for instance, after only 5 cans of the crap I was attempting to molest random passersby)

I dunno, I might demo other things too. I will post pix of me using the product (and since this is a family blog, that leaves a lot of products out) and the aftermath of imbibing said product. Let me know what you think in the vote box.

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