Thursday, March 27, 2008

My how times have changed....crack edition

A stomach grumbles
a sphincter opens up wide
and stress drifts away

I know for those of you who gause your own home lives by saying, time and time again, "well at least my family is better than the Stevester's..." that any hint of someone pulling themselves from the deep void many in my family have dug themselves is a sad story indeed. So I know it was received with sadness and gentle crying while you masturbated in your beds when I informed you all that he no longer smokes crack rock/ crack rock dealer's penis. I have no proof he ever smoked any penis, but come on we never got a decent answer out of him, much like Smeagol.

Today's story is also heresy, I got this second hand from JJ, but still I have no reason to doubt it's veracity. I was over at my parents home when Toboggan Boy was very deep in the throes of cracketry, just looking upon the dump that they lived in (there was a hole in the ceiling in the dining room that went right up through the floor in front of the toilet, so you could see if someone was trying to smoke crack without you, the fiends!) and wondering how I could be doing so much better making 10.57 an hour at gateway and supporting 2 (at that time) kids as well as a wife, and my mom, dad and JJ all had jobs and yet were constantly broke, when I saw it.

I assumed at first it was a joke, but it was a clue strap on dildo, resting stinkilly on the couch. JJ noticed and made this face like he was as disgusted as me and informed me that Mom used this on Dad once, completely dominating his quivering sphincter in ways that previously had only been known in gay porn and many of our nation's correctional institutions. He also informed me that he had found it in the car I had only recently sold to them, which somehow made things worse...or hot, depending on how you think of my fat dad, with that come hither look in his eye, tight burgundy boxers glistening with his sweat, for some reason Smeagol in the background, munching on a raw fish... Long John cheering them on while I sit nearby.

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