Tuesday, August 5, 2008


summer heat, burnt feet
yet Smeagol seems most at home
Raptors just dont burn


So the Tylester and I were at Wendy's, munching down on a salad and a bacon cheeseburger (hey, fuck you, that's progress)and I was telling him about douchebags at the Firm. Of course, no list of douchebags is complete without Grover Reeves (not his real last name, but close enough employees of da Firm will know who I am talking about). THis no talent ass hat was a receptionist for some of our more douche-ridden lawyers in Washington DC, and routinely overinflated his worth both within the company and as a human being.

I will regale you all with the tale, and if you already know it just read and reminisce:

We get this new guy, and a little link to the intranet shows his picture. Like a wannabe thug who just needs love, Grover had cornrows, those pencil-thin mustache and bear highlight things that are the reage with the gays, and shirts that would make any Walmart CEO proud. I had heard he was a bit maladjusted, and this was confirmed not only in the inane and usually nonsensical calls he would post to the helpdesk that somehow only Santa understood, but also in his insistence no one call him by his first name. He informed me on numerous occasions that he would like to be called "Mr. Reeves" as opposed to Grover. Well, a quick check on the Sliding Scale of Importance told me that he was not high enough on the food chain to be a Mr., thus whenever he called me he got a good-natured "Hey Grover, what's up!"

I was telling Tylester all about this, and we were laughing about it, when Tylester wondered why he didn't just go by his middle name. Without even thinking, I blurt out "maybe his middle name is worse, like maybe his whole name is Grover Pedophile Reeves", and with that I almost got soda to shoot out of Tylester's mouth. Since he was such a douche, I am going to put forth the theory that that is the truth, that his entire name is "Grover Pedophile Reeves", and he looks like this:

I would like to post a real picture of him, who could help me with that? Hmmmm......

On another note I will get Smeagol's work schedule and post it here for all to see shortly...

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