Ah, the time is near
steal my shit and wrap it up
then give it back, thanks!
"Hey asshole, Christmas isn't for another 4 months" You might be saying. You are right, dear reader, it is not for another 4 months. But I feel like writing about this incident right now.
So we finally made it to Christmas. It was kind of strange because the tradition when my dad was not under the influence of the crack we would put a few gifts under the tree a week or two early so we could speculate over what we were going to get, and it was about 1030 Christmas Eve and there was nothing there yet, and Dad and Janet were upstairs smoking crack still, where they'd been all day long. The smell of fat unwashed white guy and smellier black lady were wafting out from under their door... ugh. I almost threw away my daily ration of cinnamon roll and Doritos...but no that wasn't right.
Anyway we went to sleep, and awoke the next day to a veritable cavalcade of gifts: brightly colored boxes, though a smaller pile than when there were just 3 of us, still it looked like we were gonna get something and that was nice.
So Fatso opens his first gift: A Super Nintendo, the Cash Pawn America sticker still on it. THis was sweet, SNES had not been out for very long at that point. He then opened about 5 different games for it, and also got a first down jacket. Long John opened a brand new pair of Jordans, and started complaining that they were not the color he wanted them to be. What a bitch! He also got a new watch and a first down jacket. Her daughter got a new first down jacket and some perfume and some jeans and assorted very nice clothes. I am thinking "wow, we are gonna make out like banditos!" Since, you know, all of this shit was purchased with money my dad made.
I then notice there are 4 tiny gifts left under the tree, and me and my brother had not opened anything yet. I open the first gift, a broken walkman. WTF?! My brother's first gift, socks. Hey at least they weren't used. My second gift, a turtleneck shirt that was 2 sizes too small. My brother's, a notebook.
That was it. That was the last straw. These smelly ingrates were all whining because that's all they got, and I have a broken 5 dollar walkman and a turtleneck whose size could best be described at "smedium", meaning it was too big to not try to put on though too small to wear out in public, especially with my D cup man tits.
I threw my shirt on the ground and walked off, trying not to trip over all the sweet ass loot her little niglets got (yeah I can say it, I'm black). My dad walks out and tells me that after he got everyhing Janet told him to buy for her kids and got a little something from an associate, he did not have much left but that it's the thought that counted. Fuck dat I wanted some sweet shit!
I told him that I was tired of living in his house and smelling his pipe all the time and only eating cinnamon rolls and not being in school. I remember actually telling him "I want to go to school so I do not grow up to be a fucking loser like you."
While we were arguing, Janet had tried to sneak off to the bathroom by herself. My dad lost all interest and ran into the crapper to watch her or sniff her skids or whatever it was he did in there. I informed him he should go fuck himself and left.
More tomorrow, including what my mom had been doing this whole time (guess what? It's crack too!)