Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Smeagol, the man, the raptor, the Thong-Destroyer

Smeagol, the man, the raptor, the Thong-Destroyer

fork over the cash
gently touch the ass, female?
matters not, you're drunk

Plea for Helping Time

So I said I would get an update on Smeagol, and I did, but it is a most distressing one.

JJ informed me that that wiley raptor was desperately trying to get ahold of me, because he wanted me to "buy a couple things online, and tell him I'll pay him back when I get paid". Now we all know this means I will never see said money again, and past experience with a certain raptor also says since he knows he will only get away with this once per person that he must try to get me to spend as much as possible before he moves on to the next victim. I inform JJ that giving Smeagol my new phone number is tantamount to treason and would be dealt with quite harshly, and we both laugh and share a tender brotherly love.

JJ informs me that I made the right choice, as Smeagol has recently lost his job at both McDOnald's and at wherever else he was claiming to work on the same day. How they could deal with losing a high level manager is beyond me, but that is not the main gist of my posticle here. I need to find Smeagol a job, because although you may take from my many postings on him and the many ways he has failed and induced failure over the years, he is still family, and my heart is good, my prostate is weak, my bladder, full to bursting (thanks for asking).

What could Smeagol want me to purchase for him that he could not wait to get with his first paycheck from wherever he ends up going? Maybe a business suit to wow potential interviewers not only with his magnanimous customer service skills but also with his rapist wit and excellent dress habits? No, he wants another video game and some parts for a r/c car he will take 2 years to build. Seriously, and this leads me to an older Smeagol story that I must now share.

Twas early spring 1997, and I, beng a strapping lad of 16, was constantly on the go, what with school, football and work every night keeping me (thankfully) out of the house at all times.

Shit, didn't realize the day is almost over, will finish tomorrow.

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