Et tu, Bruno?
Chili's? Yeah then I'll show up
lotsa cock there tho
So for the 2 other people who read this blog who did not go Friday, we enjoyed a hearty dinner at Chili's and the movie Bruno, and after the bad dreams and a little therapy watching the most hardcore straight porn (Golden Shower Girls with Bea Arthur, mmmmmm) I could find, I feel I can talk a little about it.
First of all, it's been too long since I had seen Max, Derka and Dez, and you know it's messed up whe I am the first one there. Seriously, I am well known as the last person to show up. The idea of eating at least 5000 calories worth of fried food dipped in ranch, though, gets my blood boiling. Or at least moving as fast as my quickly clogging arteries would let it.
Anyway, you didn't come here to listen to me tell you of my heroic but sadly failed efforts to hold what felt like beer farts in, you want to know about Bruno.
Let me put it this way: Imagine you are in a room. THere is nothing in the room but a chair. The room is completely devoid of color, stark white, except one wall, which is a huge screen. And on this screen are dicks. Lots and lots of dicks, some singing, some being stuffed unceremoniously into various assholes, some spining like a pinwheel. There is also a Korean guy with a champagne bottle in his ass, and a very strange contraption which SHOULD be an exercise bike, but is actually a human powered vibradildospear. If you read the preceding paragraph and your interest is piqued, then this film is for you. I personally found it to be hilarious, not quite Borat hilarious but funny nevertheless. Here is a quick rundown of my thoughts throughout said movie:
2:30 into the film - Man this guy is gay, but has excellent fashion sense. A velcro suit?! I would buy!
5:00 - Derka has some nice legs (platonically, of course) Maybe if I tried to run I would have nice legs too.
5:15 Would Des fall for the popcorn trick?
15:35 - I'm not sure I could drink from a champagne bottle sticking out of a Thai ladyboy's anus.
17:00 That is some kind of exercise machine! Oucheroo!
23:14 - I wonder if the guy sitting in the row in front of me would notice if I blew ass right now.
41:15 - If there were lots of other naked chicks in this film, this lady who is much too tanned would not be hot. My masculinity, though, is desperate to push all thoughts of gayness away, so all my brain can come up with it "hole shit loggitdosetitties!" SHe had a sweet german looking eagle tattoo on her stomach, I wonder how that would look on my arm...?
1:03:10 If I worked at that hotel, I would just have stood there pointing and laughing. Mr Magorium?! LOL
1:24:30 - These two dudes making out in an MMA ring is the most disturbing thing I have seen since Salo. Nice...
You know, after the movie was over and everyone said their goodbyes, there was an awkwardness. I wondered if I was being over the top and the other 3 were wondering who had invited me and what the hell was wrong with me, or had someone smelled my PBR farts? I doubt it as no one was throwing up.
To Des - I in all honesty did not mean to pick you up like that, it was either that or fall on you as dexterity is not my strong point. My bad.
I did not follow through on my stated plan of copping a feel on everyone, which made me sad, but maybe it was for the best.
Anyway, on to other things, great times had by all, and I still plan to purchase said film...