Tuesday, May 12, 2009

More Gays...

I love Hall & Oates
'cause your kiss is on my list
she's a man-eater!

Grumble Grumble I hate being busy, it detracts from the time I usually use playing GTA: CHinatown on my DS here at work. I am a top rated crack and acid seller!

Anyway... we went to see Gary Owen at the Majestic this last weekend, and I must say, if you only go to one comedy show, go see Gary Owen. He was hilarious. What I liked is at the end of what was supposed to be his time, I guess the whole thing with the crowd was going so well he just figured "phuckett", and went another 30 minutes, at one point asking us if we had any questions or anything... great times.

Mother's Day is coming up, have you purchased something expensive for the mother in your life? My mom is relatively easy to buy for, she always asks for the same things: A Furby, Evansblue cd or gay porn.

Speaking of the gays, I figured I would spend a little time today talking about some of the more colorful drug dealers Mystical and Toboggan boy had back in the day.

Dealer #1 - "Paul"
That is his real name, never learned his last name. He lived in a nice neighborhood in Kansas somewhere, and wasn't really a very interesting dealer compared to some of the other gentlemen on here but for one incident. Paul was incredibly gay, which is not a problem, but I think he enjoyed boytoys, which was a problem. Being responsible parents, whenever they went to purchase their weekly ration of delicious marijuana, they would take my and JJ along with them. This was usually fine as they would have us play outside in his yard, which was strange because even though it was RIGHT across the street from a neighborhood elementary school and there were bikes and stuff all around the neighborhood, we NEVER saw anyone outside, ever.

Anyway, on this particular day we were jacking around in the backyard, and I fell and a rock punctured my knee, falling into the hole it made. This fucking hurt, and to this day I am certain the rock is still in there, melding with my body and making me technically half cyborg.

Like any level-headed young lad, I ignored it, and went on playing until it became apparent that the blood wasnt going to stop and my socks were soaked, and the only thing I hate more than sheets that get damp because it's humid is wet socks. I run inside, wade into the cloud of Mary's J. Juana smoke that was filling the "Starship" (no joke, that is what it was called), and inform my mom, who gives me a look of mild disdain. Dad is on the other side of the room, not even paying attention anymore, so Paul jumps up and is all like "Oh no lets get you taken care of big guy!" Except he said it all gay-like, which again is not a problem, but it fucking sounded funny.

So he is pouring hydrogen peroxide on/in my knee hole, and I notice that he is rubbing said knee and looking at me strangely...

Ugh I don't want to talk about that guy anymore, long story short nothing happened but I never asked to go to his house again, it was awkward. And gay. And pedophile-ish. What was it about young Stevester that brought out the pedophile in everyone? I think it was because I flashed my weiner so many times when I was a lad, and yesterday... or maybe.... well I probably shouldnt say this, because it's totally gay too, but I have often been told I run like a girl and my butt jiggles most mesmerizically.... I had been told this by my football coach and numerous gentlemen on the team, and couple this with not only the fact that I have no hair on my legs but the fact that my mom said they thought I was a girl until I came out "with a handle on 'im!", which is my mom's favorite saying, and you have a strange situation.

Not that it matters, but the center, who would later remark "Man I am so horny right now" in the middle of a huddle during a football game, was the one who originally brought that up. Just Sayin'

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