Friday, May 15, 2009

Gems from TSC

Joan of Ark was hot
Rennaisance Festivals rule
check my codpiece son!

So over my entire IT career, I have been an avid poster on a site called . I suggest you check it out. I would like to post a few of my favorite posts from that site that I emitted like wordical diarrhea over the years... for the uninitiated, SF = starfish = moronic customer, in that like starfish if you kill one another will sprout from the same place, like a hydra or a priest's penis.  Enjoy, and bonus points if you can tell where I worked, and EXTRA bonus points if you can tell who I was talking about:

35. "Drink my asshole!" Said by a customer that was angry because he only bought the 1 year warranty and it broke down 4 years later and I politely told him to not be so cheap next time...the nerve of these fiends! [2004-07-13]  
31. Me: "hold down shift" Her: "OK" 10 minutes later of useless banter about why nothing is working..."Oh do you mean shift on my keyboard?" [2004-08-26]  

27. I think the brain in this thing is malfunctioning... [2004-09-07] 

22. (from level one helpdesk) Customer complaining screen is dirty, bits of food obscuring view. Requests tech come and take care of this problem ASAP. (I don't wanna know, I hope that was a joke) [2005-03-31]  
4. Subject: Problem I am having with my computer


This was the entire body of the email. Any suggestions on what I should send back? I was thinking "?!" [2006-05-26]  
....the friends from Da Firm will remember this one, the semi hot lady who worked on the 27th floor, who famously hummed gospel hymns and once sang to me about Jesus coming down from Heaven on a magical skateboard...

3. Subject: ......what?
On yesterday, you showed me how to delete my Deleted Items, Sent Items, and you created a Junk Box along with my number, et al. Today, after closing my e-mail computer, I was unable to retrieve what you created for me. It has disappeared, especially the Junk box you created. You informed me that I could put e-mail into the JB, as many as I wanted and would be kept. Could you please explain to me what happened. I reopened my e-mail, after returning from lunch and it asked me (computer) did I want to reopen the computer in a safe mode? Answered "yes". That is when I lost the package you installed on yesterday. Please inform me what happened? [2006-11-07] 

...and we should all know this one

1. The Leech
This is the person (who is actually lower than starfish because they should know better) who you accidentally were nice to and gave some help solving a technical issue and now cannot close a ticket without bothering you while you are trying to do your work. This is also the Credit Taker, because they cannot be bothered to let management know they are retarded, giving off the impression the brilliant fixes were their idea. Can also be classified as No Talent Ass Clown... [2007-05-14] 

3. If I am not your manager, for God's sake do not tell me literally EVERYTHING you are doing and are going to do. We have this guy here, I'll call him "No Talent ass clown who Deserves to Die" for short, who will make sure he has my attention before telling me such jaw droppers as "I'm going to the bathroom", or "I am going to get a soda". I want to take a dump on his desk and then kill him. [2007-01-23] 

Like some of my other posts, this one may not become a staple, but I figured it would be nice to share... and like a wise man once said, "If it feels good, do it. You don't like it blame somebody else!"

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