Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Rock the boat (don't rock the boat baby!)

it's snowing, snowing
wintry breath of the angels
and dutch ovens for all!

While I love winter, I hate these temperatures. all the piss and jizz I spray all inside my pants on the way to work every day freezes up and makes me walk funny.

So I guess Smeagol finally got his car running, and though it is totally not legal and he has no business driving around as his license has been suspended since the geri curl was in style, he drove his car down to JJ's house to have JJ take him to see his PO. I can only assume another frantic call for bail money is coming up soon, as he will apparently never learn his lesson.

Things were going pretty well with his new lover, Erica. Although she had completely smashed his new Mercury Mountaineer and completed what he would soon find out was a hit and run, she felt bad enough about that to shower him with praise and twat, nay the only 2 things any man wants. Then things took a slightly less than serene turn: I think she found out about him meeting Mystery in a hotel for afternoon delights, after which I am sure the hotel room was cordoned off and never used again.

Anyway, I guess his new honey found out, and decided to take her big head kid and go home to her husband. I think I have told this story before, but it still gets me: why would you cheat on your girlfriend with your wife? Did Smeagol use the same hotel Toboggan Boy and Janet used for their honeymoon? How did Smeagol get there since he didn't have a car? Can Herpes be transferred through sheets? Did Erica's husband ever touch her again after he found out about Smeagol's looks? How lame is it that she was 2 grades lower than me in school?

Smeagol wants to come by again this week, no doubt to see if I had attained any more stealables. I now have a pretty decent digital video camera, and though I am not sure I can imber video into my blog, I know I can imbed photographs.

Also, I learned something last night, no not that the reverse cowgirl can hurt if done without copious amounts of lube (I knew that already from my jail days), I learned some wounds run deep, nay, some wounds never heal. I called my sister to see if she wouldn't mind calling Smeagol to give him his father's teleophone number, and the hatred in her voice when I dared mention his name was palpable. Not only did she refuse to call him, she told me to give her his number to give to her dad because she didn't want to ge responsible for giving Smeagol that information. THis hatred is not lost on him, though, as he informed me he had nothing to say to her either.

This leads me to a question, and I really want you to think hard before you answer, because not only is this cruel and a terrible practical joke, it will probably end with neither of my older siblings ever talking to me again. WOuld it be funny if I called Smeagol and gave him her phone number, telling him it was his dad, to see if they will talk and make up?

You know what, no. That's cruel. I have done the same thing with JJ, and also given him the phone telling him it is a girl only to see the look of general dismay on his face when he realizes it's a certain raptor, and I cannot put anyone else through that.

Speaking of which, I know I have said something about it before, but why is it every time he calls he asks if you're ok, "you sound kinda down, kinda sad..."? Has he not figured out it is him, with his constant begging and "You can't say no niggie, you just can't!" whenever he calls asking for money and/ or free rides?

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