Smeagol and the Ladyboy: A Love Story
things begin to not make sense
more baconnaise please!
I want to get back to the cars, I really do, and I was a little apprehensive about posting a story about a certain raptor allegedly making sweet love to a ladyboy, as I am starting to feel bad about it (hasn't Smeagol been through enough? I mean getting his magical ring stolen from him and now this)....
It's a terrible battle being waged. On the one hand, sweet lovemaking between a raptor and a chick with a dick is the kind of story that launches these kinds of blogs; on the other hand, such sweet love is something best shared between those two parties, a sacred bond that no man, woman or woman with a cock should tear asunder, and I am a little guilt-ridden to share this.
The only reason I decided to go through with this story is because Smeagol is going out of his way to cheat on his loving wife, and though she once got caught allowing come janitor dude entry into her shitbox at a nursing home (allegedly), I am sure she doesn't deserve this.
Well, here's the story:
My cousin, Rhinoxx (not his real name), recently found himself de-hoed. This led to his yearning for the gentle feel of a young lady's mouth on his man-shaft, and he relayed this concern to JJ. JJ informed him that Kareem was available for such endeavors; nay, all Rhinoxx need do is walk up to her and display said appendage and suckitude would most surely commence with little to no negotiation, as Kareem is apparently a "hoe". Upon learning this your old pal Stevester was most saddened that JJ could not recount her address or whether she was home, but that's another story (I kid).
Anyway, Rhinoxx made the trek to Kareem's house, I am assuming rubbing his junk gently while riding the Metro (he has a car but this is funnier so I will go with it) and possibly grumbling incoherently, much as every other Metro patron in that neighborhood is wont to do, and is most surprised to see Smeagol at Kareem's house. This is not too far out of the realm, JJ informed me Smeagol hung out with Kareem a lot trying to "get at that hoe", whatever THAT means, and this was evident as Smeagol informed her even with Rhinoxx in the room that he could give her a "schlip slop sally whop sassafrass spicy tuna roll" labial tongue lashing that she would not soon forget... so his default conversation topic with the ladies (I'll pause here for any ladies reading this to finish with your steamy fantasies of Smeagol....)
So anyway RHinoxx, who as I noted before was desperate for the mouth of Kareem, informed her he would be much obliged if she would suck his rock hard shaft. Kareem, as a true lady should, balked, informing him she wasn't that kind of lady, and then as soon as Smeagol left the room, proceeded to suck said shaft most convincingly and with much gusto.
Where had Smeagol gone? According to my mom, JJ, and Smeagol himself, Kareem was not the only love hole in that lovely apartment that day. Apparently there was a young lady, who JJ noted would only accept it from the back because she had a sizable cock in addition to the vag and butthole package your garden variety bus station skank carries. Smeagol revelled in his recounting of the tale of "munching away on that pussy niggie!", and therein lies my conundrum, which for the sake of clarity I shall put in numbered format for the more astute observation and debate amongst all 5 of my stalwart readers:
1. If you have sex with a hermaphrodite, does that make you gay?
2. If you are not gay, and are munching said hermaphrodite's twat, and her/ his cock touches your forehead, does THAT make you gay?
3. Is it possible to pound a hermaphro's twat without touching said cock?
4. JJ said she was not ugly, yet all the shemale pics I have sent and been sent show what look like a dude with a 5 o'clock shadow and horribly misshapen fake boobs. Can Hermaphrodites grow beards?
5. Was Smeagol making sweet love to the old guy with gorgeous boobs on that people of walmart website? If so, did he then suck room temperature creamed corn with cottage cheese chunks out of the old guy's beard at the completion of the act?
6. Why was Smeagol so proud of that, and how does Mystery stay with him when everyone within a 50mile radius of Smeagol knows he cheats on her?
Conundrums worthy of the best Sherlock Holmes novel, to be sure....