Wednesday, February 18, 2009


what is a grundle?
how funny you should ask, friend!
a grundle's a man's taint


Smeagol is out of jail; I survived the weekend watching my sister's kids, Viggo Mortensons was at my house trying to sell my wife a vacuum last night while I was at karate... I think I own 4 pron dvds that start in just that way!

Smeagol got bailed out of jail by someone else, no help from the Stevester. Not much to tell there, but the funny thing is he DROVE his ILLEGAL car all the way to my little brother's house to have said little brother drive him to see his PO. THis is funny because his PO is on Broadway downtown, and he would have had to LITERALLY drive past the Probation office to get to my little brother's house, but he still thinks it's a good idea. Ya gotta love that wily Smeagol.

You know, I know I have brought it up before, but JJ and I were talking last night about how annoying it is when Smeagol calls because he never gets to the damn point, but also screws up the "buttering up" stage of his begging as well. When Smeags calls, first you are treated to a 15-20 second soft moan I guess as the strain of holding the telephone up takes it's toll on his frail body...

Then, heaven fuck forbid you should show any hint of displeasure, because he launches into his patented "MmmmMm..... what's wrong, you sound down/sad/in a tizzy (who the fuck says that?).... wanna talk about it?" No. You do not want to talk to a raptor about any of your problems. He will ALWAYS fucking trump it, even with something trivial. For example:

you: "I haven't slept for a few days, I am getting tired"
Smeagol: "I know what you mean, I haven't slept for a week, or eaten for almost two, I also have cholera, tuberculosis and pneumonia from working booty ass overtime out in the snow for the last month niggie, I can relate"
you: "But it's June."
Smeagol: "....listen niggie I need a favor and YOU CAN't SAY NO!!"

Luckily ignoring him and asking why the fuck he is calling gets him to the point of his call: money, a ride coupled with giving him money, bailing him out of jail, or signing your name to some contract so he can skip out on it. I know I am sounding cynical, dammit I just don't care.

Anyway, JJ said Smeagol has taken to calling him up and trying to butter him up by groveling with no sense of pride or self-worth until JJ acquiesces. He said at first it was kinda funny, with Smeagol telling him "You really are so strong I bet you could punch through time" or some such shit, but lately it is getting gayer and gayer, like "You are the pinnacle of manliness, I saw you in your skivvies once and it changed my life niggie!"

I get shit like that a lot from family, it annoys me to no end. I don't need to be stroked- wait, let me rephrase that in case my wife is reading this. I don't need to be stroked by people who are not my wife or her attractive friends just in case she was contemplating a threesome (though, since I can't satisfy ONE woman, why would I want two there? All the literature on menage a trois I read change subjects at that point... it's a conspiracy!). Anyhoo, enjoy today's link, it is completely work safe and awesome to the core:

If you already saw this, well.... good.

I am working on a pretty sweet scam, and unfortunately for you I am too lazy to start another blog, so I will be periodically (maybe once or twice a week) posting the backstory on this current one...

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