Sunday, February 7, 2010

Old people should be exterminated

Super Bowl is on
Smeagol's out of hospital
world back in balance

So as none of you know Smeagol was recently in the hospital for food poisoning. I will post more on that later. Tonight I have a more pressing topic.

I don't normally have any problems with old people. They smell funny, want to talk way too much and constantly want to tell long boring stories with no discernable start, end or plot; in this way they are not unlike women. Women, though, make up for all of this by having breasts and vaginas. Old people, not as much.

"Why are you tanking on old people Stevester?" You may be asking, or not, I don't care I am going to tell you wither way: Tonight, I was on my way home from football practice. It was freezing cold, I was dead tired, my car smelled funny because of all the intermingled sweat from myself and numerous dudes, and I wanted to hurry home to watch the Super Bowl.

I pull up to the intersection of Kansas and Ridge in Liberty, and watch, dumbfounded, as this old fucker pulls his crown Vic out and sideswipes me. As if that's not bad enough, this no talent asshat fuckin drives off! As annoying as the prospect is, I follow him a little ways, and a police car that had been sitting at the top of the hill pulls out between us. For the first time in my life, I am glad to see the police, as I really don't want to kick some old guys ass, or have some old guy kick mine. I follow, a smug little smile on my face, and watch as a block later the officer turns right.

I now have a choiceL follow the old guy farther into the depths of Liberty, and risk running into Flanders, or follow the officer and see what the fuck is his problem. I, like a retard, choose the latter. I turn and follow the officer, flashing my lights and honking my horn, and he speeds up and leaves me, thus ending any hope I had of for one sticking it to the man.

This leads, and gives further credence to, my idea that all old people, once retired, should be humanely exterminated, by making them dig a grave and then humanely feeding them through a rusty woodchipper into said grave. I know some of you out there are gonna wine about my idea, but seriously, that motherfucker never even looked around at me after he hit me, and that's not the first time some old shitfucker has hit or almost hit me and then just drove off.

Old people feel like just because they are too old to be of use, that it gives them wanton license to:

1. Steal
2. Make everyone feel guilty
3. talk too much
4. clog up roads, supermarket lanes, restrooms with their inane chatter and funny smells
5. talk to you in the gym while completely naked (seriously?! no one wants to see your saggy ass old balls)
6. Hit people in their fuckin 1994 Dodge Shadow then drive off
7. Wear weird clothes
8. Be old

I think I have made my case here. That is all.


Sappmasterson said...

that is messed up - I would have followed the old guy to his house, gotten out, and beat him with his own dentures... It would take a while since it's dentures, but that would give you time to get his tag and report it to the police and your insurance agency, plus now you know where he lives so further denture beatings may ensue at a later date.

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