coddle my cock, girl!
10 bux should buy more than licks
ask Senator Craig
Today sucks. I am alone and the phone is ringing off the hook (meaning I took more than 3 calls today). I cannot spend the time I usually do building a post, you know, going to the storyboards, creating a rough outline, and then ignoring all that and copying and pasting from the book I am writing because I am too fat and lazy to bother coming up with original content, and since it's true I don't need to.
I saw my old manager the other day, from da Firm, and had an awkward reunion with my nemesis.
Apparently she had heard about the tutu, and wanted photos of said outfit. Who told her? Was it lazy Santa? I don't remember a puce Fiero driving by and hearing a distant giggle as I frolicked, but it is possible. Could it have been Flanders? Nah, I didn't have a cross or rosary on so he is probably still crying while Jesus strokes his head gently, wishing he's shut the fuck up so he can finish watching the Chief's game he TIVO'd. Des? Nah, he is still conducting experiments to find out all the ingredients that go into greens. This is a mystery that I will solve, if it takes the next 3 minutes to do it!
More tomorrow.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
I'm Ugly
drink some beer, man-whore!
Tylester dance all night long!
there's party in pants!
I dunno if I have posted on this before, but before and after the crack had transformified my mother into the Mystical Retard, she was a little weird. Known to grab crotches and chests on anything that moved for little to no reason, one of her favorite stories about me is how ugly I am.
She would tell random people, apparently any woman who shared a restroom with her, anyone who would listen, and then they would walk over and look upon me, waiting for me to do something else to boost their ego, or possibly to dig into my knickers and throw shit at them I dunno, I tried that once and she seemed surprised.
Anyway, here is the tale, the best I can recall, as it is usually told out of earshot:
When I was born I had clubbed feet. Severely clubbed feet that were so deformed you could actually touch my heel with all of my toes. Back in those days, doctors fixed that by rebreaking your legs, setting them and putting a bar with some crude orthopedic shoes on you for about 3 years. This would make any child slightly annoyed, but according to my mom and dad, I was the most evil child ever, apparently Omen-like. I didn't cry or anything like that, but I bit and scratched everyone, including my own family, and she said I would just stare with what I am assuming is an awe-inspiring malevolence at random people for minutes at a time. How an infant with a mean look frightened people is beyond me.
Anyway, on to the meat and potatoes of this story: Apparently, being evil was not enough, because I was blatantly hideous. Her favorite story was that she hated breastfeeding me because she couldn't stand to look into my hideous visage, I am assuming so ugly it caused nausea followed by spontaneous diarrhea and anal warts. I kind of doubt the veracity of this story since she also said she breastfed me for 18 months, and if I was that ugly why bother?
Anyway, she said when she was feeding me she would put a book or something over my face to not have to look at me, and on this particular occasion (cue "Family Matters" acoustic guitar "life lessons" music) she was doing just that, doing a crossword or something, maybe poking me in the face with the pen in a misguided attempt to give me ink poisoning (I kid about that), when I apparently took the book away and threw it on the floor, as if to say "look at me", which, I dunno if it is the same with other things, is something you should listen to when someone has your tit in their mouth. Life lessons, write that down.
Anyway, she picked her book up and put it back on my face, and I did it again, and apparently there was this....epiphany, when "I finally realized you were a beautiful baby, it was so spiritual Haggety haggety haggety Haagen-Daas! I'm an orange!" Which is how she ends each sentence nowadays. From then on she always looked upon me with pride and blah blah blah happiness and love what the fuck ever.
She told every girlfriend I have ever had this story, thus ensuring I would never get to mate with them.
Great times.
Tylester dance all night long!
there's party in pants!
I dunno if I have posted on this before, but before and after the crack had transformified my mother into the Mystical Retard, she was a little weird. Known to grab crotches and chests on anything that moved for little to no reason, one of her favorite stories about me is how ugly I am.
She would tell random people, apparently any woman who shared a restroom with her, anyone who would listen, and then they would walk over and look upon me, waiting for me to do something else to boost their ego, or possibly to dig into my knickers and throw shit at them I dunno, I tried that once and she seemed surprised.
Anyway, here is the tale, the best I can recall, as it is usually told out of earshot:
When I was born I had clubbed feet. Severely clubbed feet that were so deformed you could actually touch my heel with all of my toes. Back in those days, doctors fixed that by rebreaking your legs, setting them and putting a bar with some crude orthopedic shoes on you for about 3 years. This would make any child slightly annoyed, but according to my mom and dad, I was the most evil child ever, apparently Omen-like. I didn't cry or anything like that, but I bit and scratched everyone, including my own family, and she said I would just stare with what I am assuming is an awe-inspiring malevolence at random people for minutes at a time. How an infant with a mean look frightened people is beyond me.
Anyway, on to the meat and potatoes of this story: Apparently, being evil was not enough, because I was blatantly hideous. Her favorite story was that she hated breastfeeding me because she couldn't stand to look into my hideous visage, I am assuming so ugly it caused nausea followed by spontaneous diarrhea and anal warts. I kind of doubt the veracity of this story since she also said she breastfed me for 18 months, and if I was that ugly why bother?
Anyway, she said when she was feeding me she would put a book or something over my face to not have to look at me, and on this particular occasion (cue "Family Matters" acoustic guitar "life lessons" music) she was doing just that, doing a crossword or something, maybe poking me in the face with the pen in a misguided attempt to give me ink poisoning (I kid about that), when I apparently took the book away and threw it on the floor, as if to say "look at me", which, I dunno if it is the same with other things, is something you should listen to when someone has your tit in their mouth. Life lessons, write that down.
Anyway, she picked her book up and put it back on my face, and I did it again, and apparently there was this....epiphany, when "I finally realized you were a beautiful baby, it was so spiritual Haggety haggety haggety Haagen-Daas! I'm an orange!" Which is how she ends each sentence nowadays. From then on she always looked upon me with pride and blah blah blah happiness and love what the fuck ever.
She told every girlfriend I have ever had this story, thus ensuring I would never get to mate with them.
Great times.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Why I love SI.com...
G. Pedophile Reeves
possibly best name ever
sometimes writes itself
~Disclaimer~
If you hate sports, are a woman or Will, you may want to skip this post. WHile you do not need to know anything about sports or anything like that, a very small amount of knowledge for retarded people's love of wide receiver Bobby Sippio will make this post more enjoyable.
I am not going to explain a whole lot, but my name in this thread is Herm's the Man. Herm's the Man is some moron who posts the exact thing on every story (relevant or not) every day on SI.com, along with his retarded half brother, Paul Levy. I am parodying his name, but it quickly turns from a discussion about whom the 2nd wide receiver is to everyone calling everyone else gay over and over. Observe:
I know Darling was a big time hitter in college. Let's just hope Carl doesn't blow this too.
Posted by: jimmychiefs
Hey, Jimmy. WRs aren't usually big hitters. If Darling doesn't play well, Franklin will end up playing more. It is up to Darling to keep Franklin in that 3rd spot, not Carl. I can't stand CP and I wish he would just freaking go away. But he won't look bad if Darling can't step up. He didn't throw a ton of money at him.
Posted by: JackMO Rob
I hope "The Helicopter" gets his chance. I think he can be a good reciever in the league.
Posted by:
I wonder if they even gave Sippio a chance...looks like he's a full-time special teams player.
Posted by:
Bring back Samie Parker
Posted by:
I've finally gotten my girlfriend to go braless while wearing a tanktop.
Posted by: KC Fan Stuck in Texas
It was at this point I decided to inject some Stevester goodness into this forum... coming up in a few lines.
Hey texas, I think we would all like to see that
Posted by:
What texas is not telling you is that those ta ta's hang to her knees. But i guess by KC standards thats hot.
Posted by: Aaron
wheres bobby sippio in this whole mix? hes the only one that can catch everything including accross the middle
Posted by:
PS Almost forgot, Sippio cannot play in the NFL. Like him or hate him, it does not matter. Nobody in the NFL wants him, GET OVER IT.
Posted by:
I like how those people who get on here and try to pretend they are above the rest have the spelling and grammar of a retarded middle schooler, no offense to actually retarded people. Also, to those in the Sippio fan club, yes his 31 second highlight reel on youtube looks great, but in all honesty if he was NFL worthy he would be out there on the field, not warming the bench for the first team. You Sippio fanatics are probably the same people who still think Iraq has WMDs. In that same vein, if we had a great threat in Sippio we would have used it already, much as if Iraq really had WMDs they would have used them already. Get over it.
Also no one has any idea whether or not Brodie Croyle is a good quarterback, though the fact that 55 sacks and he is still standing and actually came back for more should quell the yammering from some of you naysayers and prove he is not weak... let's try to look forward to the season instead of whining about things we know nothing about.
And Texas, I got your girlfriend to omit a bra when wearing tanktops almost a month ago, and no amount of therapy or PBR will get the image of those brown bunny rabbits she has in a headlock under each arm out of my head.... ugh.
Posted by: Herm's the Man
Herms the man , Wrong Herms King CARLS LITTLE PUPPET ,Herm has no control of this team . And your stupid Comments are Worthless , so wash the SKIDDERS ON YOUR underwear and CLEAN your Room Sget a life your starting to smell up the House
Posted by: YOUR MOTHER
ah, the first moron gives me ample ammunition, let the games begin:
herms the man -
since you know everything then i guess you shouldve known that the ONLY reason sippio isnt on the field is he doesnt have the break away speed the chiefs want as #2...2nd the chiefs i guess never realize talent till its too late right (examples i can go as recent as tynes and kawika and as far back as JOE HORN) your the moron for just thinking because he hasnt cracked the rotation he must be a jobber or could it just be the chiefs dont know how to USE there talent?
unlike you iv watched more than a youtube highlight of sippio i watched the afl mvp play for the rush living up here in chicago...not only does he catch everything hes never afraid to go down the middle and can throw more than half the db's in the league around to boost our running game...just cuz your all about herm dont hate on people who have actual common sense about someone whos had 1 winning record in his past 2 head coaching jobs...but yet "herms the man" right? gimme a break that guy still has to have one of his assistants keep track of their timeout situations...gimme a break
Posted by: littleitaly
As far as my braless, tanktop wearing girlfriend goes, I was just trying to inject something positive in the middle of all this negativity. But some people just have to find something to complain about.
Oh well...I tried. All you guys who think it's a bad thing need to quit watching football and become opera fans.
Posted by: KC Fan Stuck in Texas
forget wide receivers get Farve to KC
Posted by: jades71
YOUR MOTHER, I like how you insinuate I am stupid and then misspell some of your insult. Bringing my mother into it is also a nice touch. I am sure your guild members on World of Warcraft are LOL at you PWning me, you totally r0XX0rs.
Chief's fan stuck in texas, I sincerely apologize for my misguided insult. I assumed you, like YOUR MOTHER,had just felt the intimate touch of a member of the opposite sex who was not your own blood and felt the need to gloat. Again, my sincere apologies, please post pictures of said girlfriend in said outfit.
And that's awesome about Bobby Sippio. I am sure if he got his hands on the ball he would be a force to be reckoned with, but without the breakaway speed he is as useless as a one legged man in an a$$ kicking contest. The entire job description of WIDE RECEIVER is being able to get away from the gentleman defending you, whether through your speed (Dwayne Bowe), your strength (Tony G), or your plain ol' moxie (Randy Moss? I don't really have an example for this one). Blaming Carl and Herm is not very productive. They are not going anywhere for the forseeable future, much like Carl's 1974 wardrobe. Venting your frustrations out on me is also not going to get you anywhere, as:
a) I don't care
b) I can come up with better insults
c) you look like more of a no talent stooge.
I do not pretend to know everything, and you are seriously misguided at best and one of "God's special little clowns" at worst if you assume since I can spell that I do know everything. Herm sees something in these guys. If they turn out to be simply more in a long line of Ryan Sims, Elvis Grbac, or 95% of the Chiefs drafted between the late 70s and early 80s, then the insults and random dementia spewed forth on these pages by D&D playing no talent armchair quarterbacks is warranted. Until then, shut up.
Posted by: Herm's the Man
Also little italy, there is a huge difference between ARENA FOOTBALL and the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. While the NFL has the cream of the crop, higher salaries and enjoys better ratings than probably any other sport that is televised (I have no research to back that up, I'll at least be honest) Arena Football, though sometimes displaying gems who could hack it, is more like the slow kids who ride their own bus with the darkened windows.
I am not saying they are retarded, I am saying they are slower, maybe not as coordinated, otherwise they would be in NFL uniforms or on the Practice squad. I have watched quite a few Arena Football League games, and it is like watching old people make out: sure, all the principles are there, and on paper it should be hot, but in the end it does nothing for you and you know deep down inside that it is wrong.
Also, the "Herm's the Man" moniker is supposed to be a subtle joke. I am not a huge fan of Herm either, but he's here, he's not going anywhere, play the cards you are given or watch another team.
Posted by: Herm's the Man
Herms the Man and his little Gay Side kick that writes comments for him are sick,you need to take down the picture of herms PEEPE off your bedroom wall and get help . Your 45 years old Son its time for you to get out of the House . But one Things For Sure HERMS THE MAN MY SON LOVES SORRY KC FANS
Posted by: Your mother
I don't understand the idiocy I am seeing in these posts by Your Mother and littleitaly. You guys couldn't write a post without misspelling one word eh? Your insults are completely ignored by the fact that you have the intelligence of a fifth grader. Here's a recommendation for your future insult filled posts.. Bring correct facts to the table instead of pulling $hit out of your ####, don't mouth Herm's the Man because he is kicking your @$$, and learn how to use correct grammar. It's sick knowing you cheer for the same team as regular human beings from K.C.
Posted by: Jarrad Page, Eyo!
I don't need help, but this was touching... indeed
Jarrad Page loves it from Herms The Sperm.chiefs suck but you two no that cuz thats all you two like doing ,you two need to quit sneeking to the shed every night and just look back at the last 20 years Carl has built nothing here in kc but a door matt team herm couldent even coach your gay bird watching club thru the woods , and jarrrad we know whos licking your A!!!SSS and balls
Posted by: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Herm's the man and Chief's fan stuck in Texas: You two should get a room and stop flirting with each other on our board.
Posted by: Missouri is still picking cotton
Your diction is a force to be reckoned with, YOUR MOTHER... you should be proud of yourself. And for your information, I am neither gay (though there is nothing wrong with that), 45, or "sneeking behind the shed", unless it is to slop your wife along with the rest of the livestock. I like how you changed your name from "YOUR MOTHER" to "HA HA HA HA HA", causing me to believe there are 2 retards posting here, but also letting your other fans know it is you by leaving the CapsLock on the entire time. As to the last comment, I made no homosexual offers to Chief's fan, in fact I asked to see a pic of his girlfriend sans bra, mimicking the thoughts of what I assumed was an entire forum of heterosexual males.
Like YOUR MOTHER/ HA HA HA HA HA, you have lain open your own repressed sexual desires by leveling a charge that until now had not been brought up, much like half of the Republican Party, who seems to have a flair for finding the "gay" in every situation yet emphatically denying said desires in their own person. I want you to know that I don't see any problems with you or YOUR MOTHER/ HA HA HA HA HA being in a union together, it's one of the things that makes this country great. If you will post the date of the upcoming nuptials, I will bring over a cuisinart or some other long-extinct kitchen appliance.
Posted by: Herm's the Man
GOOD TRY ,HERMS THE MAN LOVER .BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS YOUR GAY.you show up to a football game just to find a tight end,your mother posted your hobbies shoping for shoes ,getting Your Butt waxed,and Stalking Herm edwards . your 45 and still live with your mother shes said shes tired of you wearing her Shoes . and that you got your dress for next years Draft Party All ready, soon herm will be gone and so will hes little Sperm fan Club ...................................................
Posted by: 9 losses in a row ,Herms the man,the coach with talent on a team that could only pull it...
Your right only a ranting little freak would post the same Comment over and over every day.
Posted by: JD
Finally, FINALLY, someone gets the original joke, or so I thought. THis guy finally realizes I am using the same name as the other guy. Geez only took 2 days.
*sigh*.... really? Come on, this is getting annoying (I kid)... Let me go through your post and help you a bit on your grammar before we discuss your huge inadequacies (get a grown up to read/ explain that word to you, you will hear it often in your life) before I attempt to respond:
"GOOD TRY ,HERMS THE MAN LOVER .BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS YOUR GAY.you show up to a football game just to find a tight end,your mother posted your hobbies shoping for shoes ,getting Your Butt waxed,and Stalking Herm edwards . your 45 and still live with your mother shes said shes tired of you wearing her Shoes . and that you got your dress for next years Draft Party All ready, soon herm will be gone and so will hes little Sperm fan Club ................................................... Posted by: 9 losses in a row ,Herms the man,the coach with talent on a team that could only pull it... "
OK first you do not need to capitalize every letter and every word in your opening sentence. If you get confused by what needs to be capitalized, ask a 3rd grader. I am sure you see many of them walking by on your way to the Topeka Turnpike tollboth you sweep up every day (good job, by the way - it looks great). So, in essence, "GOOD TRY ,HERMS THE MAN LOVER .BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS YOUR GAY" should read more like "Good try, Herm's the Man lover. But the bottom line is you're gay." I also took the liberty of adding in correct punctuation, as well as changing "your", which insinuates I somehow own "gay", to "you're", which would give off what I assume your original impression was, that I am gay.
You have also failed to read my post, in which instead of positing an engaging, insightful rebuttal to my thoughts on Bobby Sippio and his lack of skills to perform in the NFL, you go after my sexuality, which is fine since that appears to be the only battle you think you can win. I like how if I do not have the same thoughts and opinions as you that must mean I have sex with other men. If that were true then everyone with a double digit or higher IQ would be gay, and that would make heterosexuality the "odd man out"... how's that for topsy turvy?
You, sir, are a moron. Just like YOUR MOTHER/ HA HA HA HA, as well as little Italy. Please stop posting your diahrreal rhetoric on these message boards and go back to your studies. Next one up... "the cow says...'Moooooo'".
Posted by: Herm's the Man
And JD I am not that Herm's the Man. That guy, along with Paul Levy, are the scourge of these message boards. For a fun game, though, try this with your friends: See who can get to both posts first. Winner gets a shot, loser has to sit and listen to YOUR MOTHER/ HA HA HA HA and little Italy brag about their bardric mage characters on World of Warcraft and how awesome they are in the game because they lead the Raznaroth guild before they start making out on the carpet, smelling of old mayonnaise, Mountain Dew and failure.
Posted by: Herm's the Man (but not that one)
LOOKS LIKE ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH FOR HERM THE MAN *AKA* HESHE , somebody please get him some MIDOL ,and itching cream for his culo..
Posted by: His EX Boy George
good job you got herm the sperm all upset. Spell this Herm the man LOSER just look in the mirror your poor Mother
Posted by: kc follower
OK ladies Lets talk football Herm half man this is not the place for you
Posted by: Football fan
On the contrary, I am not the least bit upset. While it is a little distracting, reading how so many of you have chosen to use a forum talking about the 2nd receiver to out yourselves as closet homosexuals or retards or both, the dreaded gay mongoloid (I kid), but the fact of the matter is since you have no intelligent rebuttal to my thoughts on why Bobby Sippio is in the first, second, practice, or water by teams, you must "contribute" by transferring your gay tendencies, feelings of malaise, and general loserdom onto me.
I know what you're thinking, looking like a Michael Moore stunt double, Chiefs cap faded and 2 sizes too tight, which you think is cool but is really just sad, maybe a shirt that is 3 sizes too small but you can't pull yourself away from the hotwings long enough to shop for clothes that fit, working yourself up into a froth of idiocy because this is the only exertion you experience anymore, you're a failure in both life and love and feel that attacking some guy on the magical Internets is your way to being one of the "cool kids" again, and losers like you are what is wrong with the stands at Arrowhead. It's the mongoloids like you who whine and complain, spewing out such gems as "Put in and we'll win!" around your hot dog, chili dripping onto your shirt as you wonder why you never seem to be able to attract a mate.
If you hate Carl Peterson and feel that he is running this team into the ground, fine. If you think Herm Edwards is the black version of President Bush, good for you. Post the reasons why and I am sure others would read it and find it interesting. But simply calling those who are not fair weather fans gay and butt-lovers and misspelling everything so you look even more like a choad is not the way to stimulate engaging conversation.
Posted by: Herm's the Man
And finally, football fan, I am not going to brag, but of the few women goodly enough to sleep with me, not one has ever commented that I am half a man. I would like to posit that your wife, or husband if you are gay, would be more than impressed with my junk. I am not saying I am porn worthy, those gentlemen are freaks of nature, but I am definitely not a half man. Unless you are referring to me as an amputee, in which case I hope a real amputee beats the crap out of you, leaving you alone in the gutter, bleeding mayonnaise.
Posted by: Herm's your wife's Man
I know this post is a little long, but I just wanted to show how far the subject has swayed from the original subject, and how proud I am that I riled so many idiots.
If there is more, I will post it, you will read it. Great times.
I did omit a few posts that were not relevant, thats why you will see extra.
More tomorrow.
possibly best name ever
sometimes writes itself
~Disclaimer~
If you hate sports, are a woman or Will, you may want to skip this post. WHile you do not need to know anything about sports or anything like that, a very small amount of knowledge for retarded people's love of wide receiver Bobby Sippio will make this post more enjoyable.
I am not going to explain a whole lot, but my name in this thread is Herm's the Man. Herm's the Man is some moron who posts the exact thing on every story (relevant or not) every day on SI.com, along with his retarded half brother, Paul Levy. I am parodying his name, but it quickly turns from a discussion about whom the 2nd wide receiver is to everyone calling everyone else gay over and over. Observe:
I know Darling was a big time hitter in college. Let's just hope Carl doesn't blow this too.
Posted by: jimmychiefs
Hey, Jimmy. WRs aren't usually big hitters. If Darling doesn't play well, Franklin will end up playing more. It is up to Darling to keep Franklin in that 3rd spot, not Carl. I can't stand CP and I wish he would just freaking go away. But he won't look bad if Darling can't step up. He didn't throw a ton of money at him.
Posted by: JackMO Rob
I hope "The Helicopter" gets his chance. I think he can be a good reciever in the league.
Posted by:
I wonder if they even gave Sippio a chance...looks like he's a full-time special teams player.
Posted by:
Bring back Samie Parker
Posted by:
I've finally gotten my girlfriend to go braless while wearing a tanktop.
Posted by: KC Fan Stuck in Texas
It was at this point I decided to inject some Stevester goodness into this forum... coming up in a few lines.
Hey texas, I think we would all like to see that
Posted by:
What texas is not telling you is that those ta ta's hang to her knees. But i guess by KC standards thats hot.
Posted by: Aaron
wheres bobby sippio in this whole mix? hes the only one that can catch everything including accross the middle
Posted by:
PS Almost forgot, Sippio cannot play in the NFL. Like him or hate him, it does not matter. Nobody in the NFL wants him, GET OVER IT.
Posted by:
I like how those people who get on here and try to pretend they are above the rest have the spelling and grammar of a retarded middle schooler, no offense to actually retarded people. Also, to those in the Sippio fan club, yes his 31 second highlight reel on youtube looks great, but in all honesty if he was NFL worthy he would be out there on the field, not warming the bench for the first team. You Sippio fanatics are probably the same people who still think Iraq has WMDs. In that same vein, if we had a great threat in Sippio we would have used it already, much as if Iraq really had WMDs they would have used them already. Get over it.
Also no one has any idea whether or not Brodie Croyle is a good quarterback, though the fact that 55 sacks and he is still standing and actually came back for more should quell the yammering from some of you naysayers and prove he is not weak... let's try to look forward to the season instead of whining about things we know nothing about.
And Texas, I got your girlfriend to omit a bra when wearing tanktops almost a month ago, and no amount of therapy or PBR will get the image of those brown bunny rabbits she has in a headlock under each arm out of my head.... ugh.
Posted by: Herm's the Man
Herms the man , Wrong Herms King CARLS LITTLE PUPPET ,Herm has no control of this team . And your stupid Comments are Worthless , so wash the SKIDDERS ON YOUR underwear and CLEAN your Room Sget a life your starting to smell up the House
Posted by: YOUR MOTHER
ah, the first moron gives me ample ammunition, let the games begin:
herms the man -
since you know everything then i guess you shouldve known that the ONLY reason sippio isnt on the field is he doesnt have the break away speed the chiefs want as #2...2nd the chiefs i guess never realize talent till its too late right (examples i can go as recent as tynes and kawika and as far back as JOE HORN) your the moron for just thinking because he hasnt cracked the rotation he must be a jobber or could it just be the chiefs dont know how to USE there talent?
unlike you iv watched more than a youtube highlight of sippio i watched the afl mvp play for the rush living up here in chicago...not only does he catch everything hes never afraid to go down the middle and can throw more than half the db's in the league around to boost our running game...just cuz your all about herm dont hate on people who have actual common sense about someone whos had 1 winning record in his past 2 head coaching jobs...but yet "herms the man" right? gimme a break that guy still has to have one of his assistants keep track of their timeout situations...gimme a break
Posted by: littleitaly
As far as my braless, tanktop wearing girlfriend goes, I was just trying to inject something positive in the middle of all this negativity. But some people just have to find something to complain about.
Oh well...I tried. All you guys who think it's a bad thing need to quit watching football and become opera fans.
Posted by: KC Fan Stuck in Texas
forget wide receivers get Farve to KC
Posted by: jades71
YOUR MOTHER, I like how you insinuate I am stupid and then misspell some of your insult. Bringing my mother into it is also a nice touch. I am sure your guild members on World of Warcraft are LOL at you PWning me, you totally r0XX0rs.
Chief's fan stuck in texas, I sincerely apologize for my misguided insult. I assumed you, like YOUR MOTHER,had just felt the intimate touch of a member of the opposite sex who was not your own blood and felt the need to gloat. Again, my sincere apologies, please post pictures of said girlfriend in said outfit.
And that's awesome about Bobby Sippio. I am sure if he got his hands on the ball he would be a force to be reckoned with, but without the breakaway speed he is as useless as a one legged man in an a$$ kicking contest. The entire job description of WIDE RECEIVER is being able to get away from the gentleman defending you, whether through your speed (Dwayne Bowe), your strength (Tony G), or your plain ol' moxie (Randy Moss? I don't really have an example for this one). Blaming Carl and Herm is not very productive. They are not going anywhere for the forseeable future, much like Carl's 1974 wardrobe. Venting your frustrations out on me is also not going to get you anywhere, as:
a) I don't care
b) I can come up with better insults
c) you look like more of a no talent stooge.
I do not pretend to know everything, and you are seriously misguided at best and one of "God's special little clowns" at worst if you assume since I can spell that I do know everything. Herm sees something in these guys. If they turn out to be simply more in a long line of Ryan Sims, Elvis Grbac, or 95% of the Chiefs drafted between the late 70s and early 80s, then the insults and random dementia spewed forth on these pages by D&D playing no talent armchair quarterbacks is warranted. Until then, shut up.
Posted by: Herm's the Man
Also little italy, there is a huge difference between ARENA FOOTBALL and the NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. While the NFL has the cream of the crop, higher salaries and enjoys better ratings than probably any other sport that is televised (I have no research to back that up, I'll at least be honest) Arena Football, though sometimes displaying gems who could hack it, is more like the slow kids who ride their own bus with the darkened windows.
I am not saying they are retarded, I am saying they are slower, maybe not as coordinated, otherwise they would be in NFL uniforms or on the Practice squad. I have watched quite a few Arena Football League games, and it is like watching old people make out: sure, all the principles are there, and on paper it should be hot, but in the end it does nothing for you and you know deep down inside that it is wrong.
Also, the "Herm's the Man" moniker is supposed to be a subtle joke. I am not a huge fan of Herm either, but he's here, he's not going anywhere, play the cards you are given or watch another team.
Posted by: Herm's the Man
Herms the Man and his little Gay Side kick that writes comments for him are sick,you need to take down the picture of herms PEEPE off your bedroom wall and get help . Your 45 years old Son its time for you to get out of the House . But one Things For Sure HERMS THE MAN MY SON LOVES SORRY KC FANS
Posted by: Your mother
I don't understand the idiocy I am seeing in these posts by Your Mother and littleitaly. You guys couldn't write a post without misspelling one word eh? Your insults are completely ignored by the fact that you have the intelligence of a fifth grader. Here's a recommendation for your future insult filled posts.. Bring correct facts to the table instead of pulling $hit out of your ####, don't mouth Herm's the Man because he is kicking your @$$, and learn how to use correct grammar. It's sick knowing you cheer for the same team as regular human beings from K.C.
Posted by: Jarrad Page, Eyo!
I don't need help, but this was touching... indeed
Jarrad Page loves it from Herms The Sperm.chiefs suck but you two no that cuz thats all you two like doing ,you two need to quit sneeking to the shed every night and just look back at the last 20 years Carl has built nothing here in kc but a door matt team herm couldent even coach your gay bird watching club thru the woods , and jarrrad we know whos licking your A!!!SSS and balls
Posted by: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Herm's the man and Chief's fan stuck in Texas: You two should get a room and stop flirting with each other on our board.
Posted by: Missouri is still picking cotton
Your diction is a force to be reckoned with, YOUR MOTHER... you should be proud of yourself. And for your information, I am neither gay (though there is nothing wrong with that), 45, or "sneeking behind the shed", unless it is to slop your wife along with the rest of the livestock. I like how you changed your name from "YOUR MOTHER" to "HA HA HA HA HA", causing me to believe there are 2 retards posting here, but also letting your other fans know it is you by leaving the CapsLock on the entire time. As to the last comment, I made no homosexual offers to Chief's fan, in fact I asked to see a pic of his girlfriend sans bra, mimicking the thoughts of what I assumed was an entire forum of heterosexual males.
Like YOUR MOTHER/ HA HA HA HA HA, you have lain open your own repressed sexual desires by leveling a charge that until now had not been brought up, much like half of the Republican Party, who seems to have a flair for finding the "gay" in every situation yet emphatically denying said desires in their own person. I want you to know that I don't see any problems with you or YOUR MOTHER/ HA HA HA HA HA being in a union together, it's one of the things that makes this country great. If you will post the date of the upcoming nuptials, I will bring over a cuisinart or some other long-extinct kitchen appliance.
Posted by: Herm's the Man
GOOD TRY ,HERMS THE MAN LOVER .BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS YOUR GAY.you show up to a football game just to find a tight end,your mother posted your hobbies shoping for shoes ,getting Your Butt waxed,and Stalking Herm edwards . your 45 and still live with your mother shes said shes tired of you wearing her Shoes . and that you got your dress for next years Draft Party All ready, soon herm will be gone and so will hes little Sperm fan Club ...................................................
Posted by: 9 losses in a row ,Herms the man,the coach with talent on a team that could only pull it...
Your right only a ranting little freak would post the same Comment over and over every day.
Posted by: JD
Finally, FINALLY, someone gets the original joke, or so I thought. THis guy finally realizes I am using the same name as the other guy. Geez only took 2 days.
*sigh*.... really? Come on, this is getting annoying (I kid)... Let me go through your post and help you a bit on your grammar before we discuss your huge inadequacies (get a grown up to read/ explain that word to you, you will hear it often in your life) before I attempt to respond:
"GOOD TRY ,HERMS THE MAN LOVER .BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS YOUR GAY.you show up to a football game just to find a tight end,your mother posted your hobbies shoping for shoes ,getting Your Butt waxed,and Stalking Herm edwards . your 45 and still live with your mother shes said shes tired of you wearing her Shoes . and that you got your dress for next years Draft Party All ready, soon herm will be gone and so will hes little Sperm fan Club ................................................... Posted by: 9 losses in a row ,Herms the man,the coach with talent on a team that could only pull it... "
OK first you do not need to capitalize every letter and every word in your opening sentence. If you get confused by what needs to be capitalized, ask a 3rd grader. I am sure you see many of them walking by on your way to the Topeka Turnpike tollboth you sweep up every day (good job, by the way - it looks great). So, in essence, "GOOD TRY ,HERMS THE MAN LOVER .BUT THE BOTTOM LINE IS YOUR GAY" should read more like "Good try, Herm's the Man lover. But the bottom line is you're gay." I also took the liberty of adding in correct punctuation, as well as changing "your", which insinuates I somehow own "gay", to "you're", which would give off what I assume your original impression was, that I am gay.
You have also failed to read my post, in which instead of positing an engaging, insightful rebuttal to my thoughts on Bobby Sippio and his lack of skills to perform in the NFL, you go after my sexuality, which is fine since that appears to be the only battle you think you can win. I like how if I do not have the same thoughts and opinions as you that must mean I have sex with other men. If that were true then everyone with a double digit or higher IQ would be gay, and that would make heterosexuality the "odd man out"... how's that for topsy turvy?
You, sir, are a moron. Just like YOUR MOTHER/ HA HA HA HA, as well as little Italy. Please stop posting your diahrreal rhetoric on these message boards and go back to your studies. Next one up... "the cow says...'Moooooo'".
Posted by: Herm's the Man
And JD I am not that Herm's the Man. That guy, along with Paul Levy, are the scourge of these message boards. For a fun game, though, try this with your friends: See who can get to both posts first. Winner gets a shot, loser has to sit and listen to YOUR MOTHER/ HA HA HA HA and little Italy brag about their bardric mage characters on World of Warcraft and how awesome they are in the game because they lead the Raznaroth guild before they start making out on the carpet, smelling of old mayonnaise, Mountain Dew and failure.
Posted by: Herm's the Man (but not that one)
LOOKS LIKE ITS THAT TIME OF THE MONTH FOR HERM THE MAN *AKA* HESHE , somebody please get him some MIDOL ,and itching cream for his culo..
Posted by: His EX Boy George
good job you got herm the sperm all upset. Spell this Herm the man LOSER just look in the mirror your poor Mother
Posted by: kc follower
OK ladies Lets talk football Herm half man this is not the place for you
Posted by: Football fan
On the contrary, I am not the least bit upset. While it is a little distracting, reading how so many of you have chosen to use a forum talking about the 2nd receiver to out yourselves as closet homosexuals or retards or both, the dreaded gay mongoloid (I kid), but the fact of the matter is since you have no intelligent rebuttal to my thoughts on why Bobby Sippio is in the first, second, practice, or water by teams, you must "contribute" by transferring your gay tendencies, feelings of malaise, and general loserdom onto me.
I know what you're thinking, looking like a Michael Moore stunt double, Chiefs cap faded and 2 sizes too tight, which you think is cool but is really just sad, maybe a shirt that is 3 sizes too small but you can't pull yourself away from the hotwings long enough to shop for clothes that fit, working yourself up into a froth of idiocy because this is the only exertion you experience anymore, you're a failure in both life and love and feel that attacking some guy on the magical Internets is your way to being one of the "cool kids" again, and losers like you are what is wrong with the stands at Arrowhead. It's the mongoloids like you who whine and complain, spewing out such gems as "Put in
If you hate Carl Peterson and feel that he is running this team into the ground, fine. If you think Herm Edwards is the black version of President Bush, good for you. Post the reasons why and I am sure others would read it and find it interesting. But simply calling those who are not fair weather fans gay and butt-lovers and misspelling everything so you look even more like a choad is not the way to stimulate engaging conversation.
Posted by: Herm's the Man
And finally, football fan, I am not going to brag, but of the few women goodly enough to sleep with me, not one has ever commented that I am half a man. I would like to posit that your wife, or husband if you are gay, would be more than impressed with my junk. I am not saying I am porn worthy, those gentlemen are freaks of nature, but I am definitely not a half man. Unless you are referring to me as an amputee, in which case I hope a real amputee beats the crap out of you, leaving you alone in the gutter, bleeding mayonnaise.
Posted by: Herm's your wife's Man
I know this post is a little long, but I just wanted to show how far the subject has swayed from the original subject, and how proud I am that I riled so many idiots.
If there is more, I will post it, you will read it. Great times.
I did omit a few posts that were not relevant, thats why you will see extra.
More tomorrow.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Grover
summer heat, burnt feet
yet Smeagol seems most at home
Raptors just dont burn
Grover
So the Tylester and I were at Wendy's, munching down on a salad and a bacon cheeseburger (hey, fuck you, that's progress)and I was telling him about douchebags at the Firm. Of course, no list of douchebags is complete without Grover Reeves (not his real last name, but close enough employees of da Firm will know who I am talking about). THis no talent ass hat was a receptionist for some of our more douche-ridden lawyers in Washington DC, and routinely overinflated his worth both within the company and as a human being.
I will regale you all with the tale, and if you already know it just read and reminisce:
We get this new guy, and a little link to the intranet shows his picture. Like a wannabe thug who just needs love, Grover had cornrows, those pencil-thin mustache and bear highlight things that are the reage with the gays, and shirts that would make any Walmart CEO proud. I had heard he was a bit maladjusted, and this was confirmed not only in the inane and usually nonsensical calls he would post to the helpdesk that somehow only Santa understood, but also in his insistence no one call him by his first name. He informed me on numerous occasions that he would like to be called "Mr. Reeves" as opposed to Grover. Well, a quick check on the Sliding Scale of Importance told me that he was not high enough on the food chain to be a Mr., thus whenever he called me he got a good-natured "Hey Grover, what's up!"
I was telling Tylester all about this, and we were laughing about it, when Tylester wondered why he didn't just go by his middle name. Without even thinking, I blurt out "maybe his middle name is worse, like maybe his whole name is Grover Pedophile Reeves", and with that I almost got soda to shoot out of Tylester's mouth. Since he was such a douche, I am going to put forth the theory that that is the truth, that his entire name is "Grover Pedophile Reeves", and he looks like this:
yet Smeagol seems most at home
Raptors just dont burn
Grover
So the Tylester and I were at Wendy's, munching down on a salad and a bacon cheeseburger (hey, fuck you, that's progress)and I was telling him about douchebags at the Firm. Of course, no list of douchebags is complete without Grover Reeves (not his real last name, but close enough employees of da Firm will know who I am talking about). THis no talent ass hat was a receptionist for some of our more douche-ridden lawyers in Washington DC, and routinely overinflated his worth both within the company and as a human being.
I will regale you all with the tale, and if you already know it just read and reminisce:
We get this new guy, and a little link to the intranet shows his picture. Like a wannabe thug who just needs love, Grover had cornrows, those pencil-thin mustache and bear highlight things that are the reage with the gays, and shirts that would make any Walmart CEO proud. I had heard he was a bit maladjusted, and this was confirmed not only in the inane and usually nonsensical calls he would post to the helpdesk that somehow only Santa understood, but also in his insistence no one call him by his first name. He informed me on numerous occasions that he would like to be called "Mr. Reeves" as opposed to Grover. Well, a quick check on the Sliding Scale of Importance told me that he was not high enough on the food chain to be a Mr., thus whenever he called me he got a good-natured "Hey Grover, what's up!"
I was telling Tylester all about this, and we were laughing about it, when Tylester wondered why he didn't just go by his middle name. Without even thinking, I blurt out "maybe his middle name is worse, like maybe his whole name is Grover Pedophile Reeves", and with that I almost got soda to shoot out of Tylester's mouth. Since he was such a douche, I am going to put forth the theory that that is the truth, that his entire name is "Grover Pedophile Reeves", and he looks like this:
I would like to post a real picture of him, who could help me with that? Hmmmm......
On another note I will get Smeagol's work schedule and post it here for all to see shortly...
Monday, August 4, 2008
The Rhythm Method
The wedding day? Set
all guests accounted for? Yep
Is Smeagol there? Nope
So last summer my sister calls me out of the blue. With love in her heart and cheese on her breath she informs me that she is going to get married, and asks that I give her away. While I am truly honored, I know for a fact that her real father was not only not dead, but living less than 50 miles away, so I gently, diplomatically ask "Whaddafuxuppwiddat?" (Desmond ask a black person if you need help reading that, you will know who to ask as he/she will be eating "greens")
Apparently she would rather not have her dad meet her new hubby, which is fine by me bearing in mind certain details about him which I will refrain to put into print. I graciously accept, and get ready to ogle all manner of bridesmaid's boobage, as this was to be a Renaissance wedding, nay one of my very favorite dressing periods: The boobs, on full display, codpieces, mandatory!
Anyway, like all great things in life, this one as well comes with a caveat: I was not allowed to tell ANYONE in my family, as she was afraid either Mystical Retard, Mystery, or Smeagol would show up and she recognized their powers to ruin any social occasion. As far as my mother, she is a great lady, don't get me wrong. But it has been argued by scholars and experts alike that even though she is no longer on the pipe that holds crack she is still as strange as she had been whilst on said pipe. My mom has always been a little....eccentric. Ask Smeagol and that description turns to bugfuck insane. Ask my mom and she will grab your package.
Although it almost kills me inside to not tell anyone, I do as I am asked, and show up at the wedding to also see my aunt, fresh from the incident with the shit on the couch (or maybe not, I don't care to check my dates. I just like bringing that up whenever possible) and in full annoyed-with-whitey mode. I love her for that. Not that I condone it, but she is consistent, never faltering in the onslaught of oppressiveness she perceives, always toiling away in the daily struggle to not fall victim to the forced communication skills her idiot managers try to pimp her out to... even I fell victim to an extent, getting a diploma in communication skills, which did not help me come raise time or at any of our managerial meetings I learned to love and covet, much less when I brought it up in team meetings (though those always led to good times)...
More later.
all guests accounted for? Yep
Is Smeagol there? Nope
So last summer my sister calls me out of the blue. With love in her heart and cheese on her breath she informs me that she is going to get married, and asks that I give her away. While I am truly honored, I know for a fact that her real father was not only not dead, but living less than 50 miles away, so I gently, diplomatically ask "Whaddafuxuppwiddat?" (Desmond ask a black person if you need help reading that, you will know who to ask as he/she will be eating "greens")
Apparently she would rather not have her dad meet her new hubby, which is fine by me bearing in mind certain details about him which I will refrain to put into print. I graciously accept, and get ready to ogle all manner of bridesmaid's boobage, as this was to be a Renaissance wedding, nay one of my very favorite dressing periods: The boobs, on full display, codpieces, mandatory!
Anyway, like all great things in life, this one as well comes with a caveat: I was not allowed to tell ANYONE in my family, as she was afraid either Mystical Retard, Mystery, or Smeagol would show up and she recognized their powers to ruin any social occasion. As far as my mother, she is a great lady, don't get me wrong. But it has been argued by scholars and experts alike that even though she is no longer on the pipe that holds crack she is still as strange as she had been whilst on said pipe. My mom has always been a little....eccentric. Ask Smeagol and that description turns to bugfuck insane. Ask my mom and she will grab your package.
Although it almost kills me inside to not tell anyone, I do as I am asked, and show up at the wedding to also see my aunt, fresh from the incident with the shit on the couch (or maybe not, I don't care to check my dates. I just like bringing that up whenever possible) and in full annoyed-with-whitey mode. I love her for that. Not that I condone it, but she is consistent, never faltering in the onslaught of oppressiveness she perceives, always toiling away in the daily struggle to not fall victim to the forced communication skills her idiot managers try to pimp her out to... even I fell victim to an extent, getting a diploma in communication skills, which did not help me come raise time or at any of our managerial meetings I learned to love and covet, much less when I brought it up in team meetings (though those always led to good times)...
More later.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Question....
guzzle suckage, fiend!
taste your better's warm vag milk!
Oh, You Ligget Steve!
Question 1: Why is it now whenever I go to do an office visit they look disappointed that I wear clothes other than the tutu? Do you really want to see something like that all the time?
Question 2: If Miller High Life is the champagne of beer, as the Tylester so eloquently puts it, then where does my favorite, Boone's Farm wine, fit in? Would that be more like the malt liquor of champagne?
Question 3: I was scratching my balls this morning, and as usual sniffed my fingers. Why did they smell fruity?
Question 4: Should tobogganing down some stone steps in the middle of a snow storm in super tight burgundy boxers become an olympic sport? I mean come on, it sounds funny but if curling is a sport...
Question 5: do only gay people and God's special little clowns actually watch the Olympics?
Question 6: Can Smeagol have his car towed to your house? My dad will not let him tow it to his until he pays him that 10 dollars he borrowed those many years ago....
Question 7: Apparently Smeagol works evenings. Would you drive all the way to Liberty just to get a Big Mac?
taste your better's warm vag milk!
Oh, You Ligget Steve!
Question 1: Why is it now whenever I go to do an office visit they look disappointed that I wear clothes other than the tutu? Do you really want to see something like that all the time?
Question 2: If Miller High Life is the champagne of beer, as the Tylester so eloquently puts it, then where does my favorite, Boone's Farm wine, fit in? Would that be more like the malt liquor of champagne?
Question 3: I was scratching my balls this morning, and as usual sniffed my fingers. Why did they smell fruity?
Question 4: Should tobogganing down some stone steps in the middle of a snow storm in super tight burgundy boxers become an olympic sport? I mean come on, it sounds funny but if curling is a sport...
Question 5: do only gay people and God's special little clowns actually watch the Olympics?
Question 6: Can Smeagol have his car towed to your house? My dad will not let him tow it to his until he pays him that 10 dollars he borrowed those many years ago....
Question 7: Apparently Smeagol works evenings. Would you drive all the way to Liberty just to get a Big Mac?
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